Narcissist or Not

    Updated December 2021

Questions198171@yahoo.com

Disclaimer

Let me start by saying that this is a compilation of my thoughts and feelings from a relationship and time spent with Tommy Lindig.  Writing things out helps me through the process of getting over someone.   It's like writing a letter to them without sending it.  This is just my free writing or A journal/diary of my interactions and encounters with him.  His Fiancé Tamiko May (future Tamiko Lindig) has decided to insert herself in all of this so you'll be reading about my encounters with her as well.  

Our Relationship

     He first messaged me on a swingers/sex website.  I didn’t seem interested at first because of his age but I responded to his message anyway asking him what does he want with an old woman like myself.  He said he liked my profile and what I had to say.  He liked that I am a strong independent woman.  We then started to message on kik and I became very interested because we were having good conversation and he was doing a good job avoiding the topic of sex as much as he could.  I asked him what he was looking for and he told me basically a relationship.  I wasn’t looking for that but for some reason I decided to go along with what he was offering.  I met him for dinner the next night and we had good conversation and stayed there for hours almost till closing. 

     When I went home that night, all I could think about was the things we talked about.  He told me everything I wanted to hear basically.  We talked about how relationships should be and could or would be if we were to be together.  We talked about our past…well I talked a lot about my past about my ex-husband.  He did mention that he was married three times and that he had three boys.  During our conversation we got onto the topic of sex and he says to me that if we were to go back to my place and have sex that he wouldn’t have respect for me but he would have sex if I pursued that route.  All I remember is thinking to myself…hmmph…wouldn’t have respect for my but would still have sex…interesting.  I put that red flag behind me to see.   I was still in wow mode even though he said that.  I wanted to talk more with him and see him again.  We talked more over the phone and made plans to go out again.   

     We went out again a couple nights later and from what I remember he invited me to stay the night with no sex involved be he stated that he slept naked.  I was like hmmm ookay.  I drove out to his place and we went out for dinner.  He took me to The Wheel at Icon Park in Orlando.  It was so romantic in so many ways.  He opened doors for me (made me wait for him to walk around to my side of the car) which I loved, we walked around the place and then went on The Wheel (took a picture before we got on) and he held me and I was damn this man is too good to be true, why is he single.  I even said that to him multiple times during the first few days or week of us seeing each other.  His response was that none of his exes appreciated what he had to offer that all of them had used him in one way or another.  We got back to his place and he stayed true to his word about sleeping naked but I didn’t get completely naked.  I remember thinking to myself…WTF are you doing?  This is way too fast.  You shouldn’t be here laying with him, but laying with him felt so good because it had been years since I had been held the way he held me.  No expectations for sex, just lying there felt amazing.  What else was amazing that when I moved, he moved.  When I got up he welcomed me back to bed and wrapped his arms around me.  I also loved that he kissed me when he left and when he came home and we’d ask each other about our days.

     Some time during the first couple of dates or first week, I remember him saying how lucky he felt about meeting me.  That he felt like he met the one he wanted to be with and that he was going to play the lottery.  That he was so happy that he met me.  And that made me feel even more excited about being with him and wanting us to be together for a long time.  Yeah, he had me thinking that I had found the one only after a few days of knowing him.  I was feeling strong feelings and he admitted to feeling the same.  I was ready to tell him I loved him after two weeks of being with him.  I invited him over to meet my daughter and he took us out to dinner.  We took our first photo of the three of us that night. I told my dad about him after a few weeks then took him over to meet him.  That was a big deal for me, taking him to meet my dad.  I’d only brought one other man over to meet my father and I married the fucker.   I had the same feeling of knowing that I knew he was going to be the one that I will be with like I had with my ex-husband. 

After about a month and a half, the red flags started to show.  We practically were living together.  I was at his house or he was at mine.  We didn’t spend any time apart except for when he went home for Thanksgiving for a week. He went home to help her with some things around the house and spend time with his boys. 

     Before he went home for Thanksgiving, we went out to the outlet mall and the Mall at Millenia.  On the way to the Mall at Millenia he played a song for me called What’s Mine is Yours by Kane Brown. Of course I downloaded it and made it his ringtone.  Anyways, while we were in a store, his mother called and he started to complain about her saying that he didn’t like talking to her because she constantly repeats herself and other things.  He had ignored her calls before that as well.  He’d make it point to tell me that she was calling all the while contorting his face, huffing and puffing saying that he’d call her later.  At one point he had told me that she had abused him and I instantly believed him and left it alone waiting for him to talk to me about it.  I didn’t want to pry.  Later on, he said it again in a joking manner and I was like were you really abused?  What did she do that you considered abuse?  His response, the main one that I remember was that she would punish him and his siblings (all of them) if something happened and she couldn’t figure out who did something wrong.  I was like okay what else and he didn’t elaborate on anything else really. I told him he shouldn’t joke around about stuff like that and just looked at me and didn’t say anything.  He never mentioned or joked about that again…the abuse.  Also, he didn’t have a relationship with his father and brother from what he told me.  I think out of his immediate family, he only likes his sister.  Never heard one bad thing about her. 

Red flags for me was I got the feeling that he didn’t like his family but came across as family oriented.  Yeah he went home to help her but it seemed like he was doing it under duress and not out of the kindness of his heart to help his mother. 

     When I’d ask about his ex wives he said a lot but didn’t really say anything in a way.  He told me that he married his first wife because she got pregnant.  You know, to do the right thing (as he put it) but then divorced her after 6 months taking custody of his son.  Which I was like wow, you raised your son all by yourself.  That was one of the things about him that made me more attracted to him.  A man that takes care of his kids, but I digress.  His first ex wife, apparently was addicted to drugs and he was/is pissed that his now 18 year old son went to visit her and never came back.  He had some choice words to say about her but I don’t really remember what he had to say because the anger seemed to be coming from that his son decided to stay with his mother and not come back home to him.  His second wife has his other two boys and man did he have a lot to say about her.  Apparently, she was an evil vindictive bitch that tried to keep him from his kids (summing it all up).  That he had to battle her in the courts and that he hated that she kept his last name.  He mentioned quite a few times.  He wishes that she would marry the guy she’s currently with so she wouldn’t carry his last name.  The third wife.  LOL.  He married her because she needed insurance.  They were dating, but she had hurt herself somehow and didn’t have insurance, so he married her.  He also said none of them worked. 

The red flags were, the negative things he had to say about his first 2 ex-wives, saying that none of them appreciated what he had to offer, he left all three and he never loved any of them.  I couldn’t get past the fact that he married three women that he claims to have never loved. 

     Let me remind you that we met on a swingers/sex site.  With that said, this dude portrayed himself as this fun loving, open, caring person that has been taken for granted by his unappreciative exes.  Looking back, he really made himself out to be a victim to the women he was with.  That I, the independent, strong, woman who works and takes care of herself is what he has been looking for all these years.  He had me so fooled with comments like, I'd take care of you if you ever were sick or hurt (in response to what I told him about what my ex-husband had done to me when I was hurt/sick), said he would never lie to me, we’d never go to bed angry that we would always discuss and talk through our issues when and if they come about, he would never leave me, we would always be together,  we talked about marriage, considered my daughter his daughter.  Gave her a nice lil gift saying that she was his daughter basically.  You know the shit you tell someone that you are in love with and plan on being with forever.  All that shit and more. 

Red flags…When I got sick, that mofo avoided me like I had the plague.  I asked him if we were living together would you have still avoided me…he replied with yeah I’d probably stay in another room or something and I was like…wow that is not what you said when we first met.  Told me he had a heart condition but couldn’t tell me what valve was causing the issue but said he went to the doctors every year to do the required tests needed to keep up with his heart condition.  Told me that he had an appointment in January to be checked out.  When I asked him when his appointment was in late December or early January and he avoided to answer the first time I asked and when pressed said that he didn’t need to go to the doctors, that he was fine, and brought up some crazy shit about how nasty the physician is because she didn’t wash her hands (he also went into this rant when he first told me about his supposed appointment).  My response was…oh so you lied about having a doctors appointment and he didn’t have a response.  He upset me a few times.  He went to sleep and I stayed up each time thinking about how he upset me.  He new he did it but went to sleep anyway and slept like a baby.  Didn’t say anything until the next day each time only because I brought it up or he noticed that I was visibly upset (only 1 time).  He was sorry at communication.  Didn’t know what to say most of the time.  At one point I was telling him something that was bothering me (had to do with sex) and he tried to turn my issue with him on me. It didn’t work because I was quick to point out that what he said had nothing to do with my issue I was having. 

     He literally was not into sex, like nothing.  When I say Nothing at all, I mean nothing at all sexually.  When I tell my friends all the details, their first response is to ask me if he's gay and then the next question is do you think he has erectile dysfunction.  His first excuse for avoiding sex was…I don’t want to have sex, I want to make love to you.  Okay, cool I can deal with that for the first few weeks of us dating.  I got tipsy one night, I tried some stuff, failed miserably in trying because he denied me which was the first time he upset me and visibly.  He was shocked that I was almost in tears because I felt like he didn’t want me.  That I wasn’t attractive to him.  I felt that way constantly throughout our 3 month relationship.  He made me feel sexy the first week but once I got comfortable, his looks and whistles stopped.  Sex was such an issue that I was practically begging to have it.  I told him that we have connected in so many ways that I wanted to connect with him sexually and its not happening.  You tell me you love me every day but you don’t want to make love to me.  Oh I had an issue with saying making love because no one ever said they wanted to do that with me it was always have sex so he didn’t like that I called it sex.  After saying that to him he used his hands and I was like okay that’s a start.  The next time a few weeks later, after begging and asking and him saying that he was shy we were intimate but it was so awkward and he didn’t climax.  A few weeks later after begging more, he finally gave it up, it was awkward and he didn’t climax.  I was like damn.  What am I doing wrong?  Do you have spots I need to concentrate on, do a lil sucky sucky…what?  He was like nothing your fine and I was dude you’re giving me a complex I already have insecurity issues…what do I need to do?  Basically what came out of all of that was nothing.  I asked him if he liked all the basic things about sex and was like yeah but he didn’t do any of it.  I tried a couple times to use my mouth and got no response so I was like fuck it, no sucky sucky for him.  I finally did get one last time and he actually climaxed and yet still it was awkward.  I really don’t’ know what his problem was if it was me or not but he would be stiff as a board when he was asleep and as soon as I was like oooh and touched it he woke up and it almost would go away or go away completely.  I did say to him that I will not stay in a sexless relationship and even said I’d buy a toy if he didn’t put out.  That shit didn’t bother him one bit.  That mofo even looked at a couple of toys with me.  The thing for me was that he knew that I was sexually attracted to him but I felt he was never attracted to me and he knew it.  

Red flags…He honestly made me feel like I was some sex addict, not sexually attractive to him, that he didn’t want me.  I really felt like I was looking at sex the wrong way because he made it seem like he saw it as only with the person you loved not just with random people.  And that he genuinely wasn’t interested in sex.  I think he had his coworkers call him at night with emergencies just so he didn’t have to have sex with me.  I say this because in my begging I would pick a night that we would and every time something came up at work to where we couldn’t.  I was constantly disappointed.  I guess it's a good thing we didn't have sex again because it was absolutely horrible.  I felt like I was having sex with a virgin each time because he didn't know what the fuck he was doing.

     Towards the end of our relationship I noticed that he had changed.  I brought it to his attention a couple times.  He had told me one time that things didn’t bother him or that he didn’t let things get to him because he just doesn’t care and that he doesn’t argue.  And I was like woah buddy then we’re going to have an issue.  How am I ever to know that you have an issue with me?  Or anything for that matter.  How do you tell someone that you love that nothing bothers you and that you don’t care?  He also said that if I feel a certain way and he tells me other wise then that’s on me how I’m feeling.  I was like this motherfucker…ummm you tell me that you love me but don’t want to make love to me.  He told me a lot of things but showed me the opposite on a regular basis but I chose to look the other way or ignore the red flags.  Like I mentioned before about a month and a half into our relationship I started noticing the red flags and the change in him.  My gut was telling me as I started to get irritated with the things he said and did.  My feelings started to change and when my friends at work asked me about my relationship, I lied saying that things were great even though deep down I knew I wasn’t happy anymore.  I was miserable but I didn’t say or do anything about it because I thought maybe we could talk through the issues I had.  Apparently from what he told me, he didn’t have any issues with me but I’m sure he’s telling his new girlfriend something negative about me…maybe.  Again, I digress.  So, I chose to do a travel assignment which would make it so we wouldn’t be able to see each other for about 13 weeks but we vowed to make it work, coming up with days to spend time.  Well, one weekend he came over and I missed him so much that all I wanted to do was lay with him when he got to my house.  Well, he avoided that.  I went to work and when I came home the next morning I showered and went to him and asked him to come lay with me.  He was like no no no you need to get your sleep, you have to go back to work tonight and I was like I don’t care come lay with me and he was basically shooing me off laughing and smiling like it was game or a joke and I just said fuck it and went to lay down.  I know he knew that I was upset because I walked away with my head down deflated.  Fucker never came in to lay with me.  Eventually, I fell asleep but woke up a few hours later to him sitting on the couch and we didn’t say anything.  He knew I was upset but said or did nothing.  I went to work and eventually called him and I let loose with all my issues with the main thing being intimacy and that he never shows me that he wants me.  I told him that I feel like we’re an old married couple that doesn’t talk anymore just sitting together playing games on our phones.  That he has changed.  Everything that was bothering me I told him.  And guess what he had nothing to say.  I came home the next morning and asked my daughter to remove him from life 360 because I like to be a sneaky bitch.  I’m one of those ones who likes to sneak up on a motherfucker to make him face me and talk but I didn’t have the time because of the two jobs.  Over the next couple of days I tried to talk to him with each day of him becoming more and more distant.  Next I changed my profile picture to my daughter and I because I wasn’t feeling so blessed (my profile picture was the three of us that said blessed), lastly I changed my status to single on Facebook because that was how I was feeling after each time I tried to communicate with him.  He was not engaging me even though I told him that we needed to slow way down that I didn’t want to break up but things would need to change.  When he finally answered the phone and had time to talk to me, I told him that I missed him and he said that he missed me too.  I asked really and he said yes.  I go on to say that I didn’t want to break up that I still wanted to work things out but he cut me off saying,  “oh is that why you changed you status and changed your picture on Facebook and took me off of life 360.”  I explained what I explained above and he said, “no you doing that told me all I needed to know.”  I was like “no, I told what you needed to know.”  Long story short, I had to make that mofo say to me that it was over.  He said to me, “I have mentally checked out.”  I was like…what…that’s it…just like that.  Wow you never loved me at all and he said, “I did.”  I was so shocked that I literally lost my mind for a few days/weeks.  I was like this motherfucker lied to me, played me, used me.  So, things ended badly because we both got petty and as time passed I went through the stages of grief from a break up.  I sent text messages telling him how I felt that I didn’t want to give up on us and so on.  And he gave me the silent treatment and when he did respond he would say there is nothing for us to talk about.  All I could do is wonder how could this motherfucker who said he loved me and wanted to be with me for the rest of our lives and so many other promises just give up so easily and quickly without discussion.  It was so easy for him and as the pain went away I realized that his actions told me all I needed to know and I moved on.  He did message me on Facebook one morning accusing me of something that he didn’t want to have a conversation about.  Apparently he had to change his number but I doubt he really changed it.  He threatened to send images and information to my job.  He likes to threaten jobs because that was the 2nd time he’d done that.  He threatened to call the cops on me if I went into his house to drop off his shit and get my shit. Oh man that shit he was saying through texts and the shit he said on the phone.  He sent me pictures of some plug in recorder to scare me.  Talking about I’m going to check the video now lol.  The cops are gonna want to talk to you and I was like okay let them know I’m at work.  I think that’s what made him really angry at me because if you read through all of this, I did nothing to make him hate me or give me the silent treatment.  I literally did nothing wrong except call him out on all his bullshit. 

     My friends told me after telling them this story that he’s a narcissist.  Told me that all the things he did weren’t because he cared about me, that he did it for himself.  I couldn’t understand that at first but after some research, I found that he has a few traits.  It explains all the things I experienced with him.  I've never dealt with a narcissist and Tommy made me go through more emotions in three months than I had ever gone through with my ex-husband in the 7 years we were together.  Maybe he is a narcissist.  He love bombed me, portrayed himself as a loving caring individual, made himself look like the victim, doesn't show or have empathy, always right never wrong...So many traits but not 100% convinved he is one because he was never mean or physically abusive towards me and two of his ex wives never mentioned it.  He's more emotionally abusive than anything else from what I can tell but I'm not a specialist is this area.  

    Updates

July 14

These past few days have been so emotionally exhausting.  I went away for the weekend to relax and decompress to get my mind off of recent medical diagnosis.  I get a call from my neighbor telling me that I had received a package that needed to be signed for and I was like who from?  It was from motherfucking Tommy.  I was like WTF, throw that shit in the garbage and take the can to the curb.  Ruined what lil time I had left of my time away.  I go home that night and my mind is going.  Tuesday morning, I get a message on Facebook messenger from someone I don't know.  I look at it and it was from his motherfucking girlfriend Tamiko May.  I'm like WTf is going on.  Why am I receiving something for him to sign and then a message from her at 0800 in the next morning.  I thought to myself for a lil bit, did a search on the number she gave me and then her name and I'm like something's night right.  Both of them are up to something.  So, I responded to her to see why she was messaging me and how did she find me or know it was me.  The reason for her contacting me was to determine how honest of a person he is.  What's odd to me is, she dated him for a lil over a year and a half and got back together with him in February (soon after he and I broke up) and I'm wondering why is she just now seeing that he lies or wondering after being with him for 4 or 5 months now?  Apparently he also lied to her about how we met.  He told her that I contacted him to hang some ceiling fans and that I wanted to date him but he didn't want to date me.

I guess in February he had been stalking her Facebook page (not her exact words) to see if she was dating someone and then contacted her daughter to ask about her granddaughter.  Her daughter invited him to dinner and that's how they got back together.   So, after her telling me all that, I was like, so you two were friends on Facebook wile were dating and asked if she had seen all the posts that I tagged him in and she said yes.  She messaged him saying that it looked like he had moved on after seeing all the posts I tagged him.

Odd for him to lie about me wanting to date him but he didn't want to date me and they were friends on Facebook when I was tagging him in pictures.  That right there should showed her that he lies.  We had good conversion but at certain times I was like this bitch has to be lying about some of this shit.   I kind of felt like she was throwing their relationship in my face by sending me a pic and then telling me that he had asked her to marry him multiple times while they were together and after that he recently bought her a ring but she doesn't want to because she hasn't met his mother.   She said they were arguing about it.  I'm guessing that's what prompted her to google search him.  Seems odd after being with him for two year.  She apparently found the website and then told him about it.  She told me he sent me a cease and desist to take down this website.  When she told me I was like what...its actually searchable...WOW.  She also told me that she wasn't engaged in their relationship anymore that she was getting bored and her plan is to break up with him.  I dunno, some of what she was telling wasn't making since but other stuff she said did help with some lingering issues.  She was really vague.  Which kept me wondering if she really acted on her own or if he put her up to it.

     While I was chatting with her, through all the skepticism, some of the emotions I had got through from our break up came back and hit me.  That feeling I felt started coming back as the day progressed and I started to read Tamiko's responses and then my responses and then I got angrier and angrier.  I was like why are they messing with me now.  I'll admit that yes I wrote this and at one point I did want to publish it but when I paid for it I couldn't find it no matter how many times I searched.  I searched it for a few days then gave up.  I figured I did something wrong because I've never created a website before.  Writing out what happened helped me a lot.  Now some of that weight is back and it's making me angry.  She said she didn't want to cause me any problems or stress but she did.  I really wish they had left me alone.  I didn't need this aggravation.    

     I did write something while I was very angry yesterday and then took it to his apartment.  I wanted to confront his ass and of course he wasn't there.  I should've known better and just went to her house.  So, the next best thing was to call.  I told him I didn't get his letter but Tamiko told me what it was.  Of course he starts telling me it don't matter, that I signed for it, and that I'm slandering him, defaming his character, and copyright right infringement using his pictures without his permission.  Me being the filthy mouth bitch that I am, I told him that if he keeps fucking with me that I'd send the link to this site to everyone he knows.  Had I not been driving, I most more than likely would have done it while I was telling him because I was so angry.  I got to my friends house and just unleashed a bunch of bullshit.  My friends got in on it and it just escalated from there.  While we were at the casino those bitches were feeding me drink after drink and I don't fucking drink like that.  Oh my god I was a mess.  All of this is a mess.  I had to read the messages again when I got home this morning. I have to admit that it felt so good to talk shit to him even though it didn't matter to him.  For some reason it just really felt good.  I knew he had her message me because as I'm spouting off all the shit she told me and he had no reaction to it.  He could've been hiding it though...I dunno.  I'm convinced they both planned on fucking with me once that letter was signed for.  I feel like they just wanted to see if I got it and wanted to know my response by having her message me.  But my main thought after chatting with here was...Bitch if you couldn't figure out his ass is liar after knowing him for a couple years then your ass isn't as savvy as you claim to be. She also told me to always trust your gut but she's not trusting hers because she fucking messaged me asking about him and she's known him longer and was with him longer than me. I should put up the screen shots from both messages, but it all basically ended with me just telling him to have a lawyer send me a cease and desist.  Of course, he wants to send it to my old place of work (He loves threatening my career!!) If I get one, I'll take it to a lawyer and go from there. 

     Funny thing is he'd rather just threaten and antagonize or bully me into doing what he's demanding or accusing me of.  Why do that to someone you already emotionally fucked with? Oh I know I don't matter to him. I never did and talking with her proved all of it.

July 15

     OMFG this dude!  This fucking man!!!  After I finished updating the page yesterday I sent Tommy an email basically just telling him how he and his girlfriends actions sent me over the edge and that I was going to wait for a cease and desist from a lawyer if my page is creating all that he is claiming. He claims that he didn’t know she contacted me until I told him (yeah right 🙄), he doesn’t live in that apartment because his lease was up in May, he didn’t know who the guy was that answered the door, he was sorry hear about my diagnosis and hopes the surgery goes well. Immediately upon reading I responded with yeah right he don’t give a damn about me. I don’t need his apologies. After a few hours, it dawns on me that that bitch put his apartment address on the letter he sent. That’s how I knew it was from him and I’m sure I needed to send back a response and I’m like OMFG HE IS SO FULL OF FUCKING SHIT!!!  I went into rapid fire typing to send another response telling him how full of shit he was. Asking him, how the fuck am I suppose to know that he moved if he put his apartment address on it.  I specifically asked dude if Tommy was there and he said no and then I asked does he still live here and he said yes and I handed him the envelope and the dude took it.  Then I called him a fucking liar, that he lies for no reason, he's a worthless human being, and so on.  So, he responds back with First of all you dumb ass bitch (lol) saying that he didn't bother me, that he blocked my number, saying that I continue to bother him then telling me to grow the fuck up and get over it.  And I'm like WTF is he talking about, does he not know that sending me a cease and desist is written contact from him (SMH).  He claims he didn't bother me.  He comes back at me with yes you dumb ass bitch saying that he hasn't talked to me in months had to block my number and that I called him from a different number and he says who's bothering who?  I had to remind him what I told him over the phone also telling him that I have proof that he contacted me and I acknowledged him blocking my number and reminded him that he has now contacted me twice with threats.  I told him to stop playing the victim that it made him look week.  He didn't respond to that yet but you see what he did.  He totally just turned everything around on me, accused me of contacting him first, and called me out my name because I called him out on his lies.  I was like I can't deal with this fucker anymore.  He is seriously a narcissist.  I see why his ass "don't argue" as he told me, It's because he has nothing to say when he's called out on his lies.  It's astonishing at how much he lies.  I reread the texts and the emails.  During us texting he took a couple of screen shots of the online chat with a lawyer site and I'm like okay and that's why I sent the email yesterday to tell him that I would wait for the letter from the lawyer and said I would take it down If it's doing what he claims.  I remember him acting as if he had  already been talking to a lawyer before he sent the cease and desist but when we were texting he actually contacted them asking if they do them.  Pretty much after that conversation I decided to be done messing around with this mother fucker.  If he does send me something else I'm not going to respond.  I'm just going to ignore him.  What's funny is that I don’t think that he realizes that even if I do take down the website and then create another one with a different name, with the same content but exclude his last name it will still come up if someone searches his name. Search engines do a broad search of what you’re looking for. It gives you results for every possible variation of what you’re looking for with the most relevant at the topic.

July 16

This fool sent me an email saying...not just empty threats with a picture of an email he sent to the company I worked for.  Apparently he also sent something to the Department of Health as well (I didn't get a pic of that email) for slandering, harassment, and wishing death upon him.  Seriously?  Who does that?  What kind of person tries to fuck with someone's job and career?  What did his lawyer from Musca advise him to do?  Did they tell him to send shit to the department of health and my job?  I honestly can't comprehend why he would send emails to someone's job in an attempt to cause that person to lose their job and then boast about it to that person.  Does he not understand that now he's the one being malicious.  Nothing will come of this but if it did, all I need to say is that he's disgruntled because of my online diary about him and show them the "not just empty threats" message he sent.  I have not done anything to him to cause him to lose his job or affect his lively hood in anyway.  Doesn't he know not to play with people's money and career like that no matter how much you hate them.  The only reason why he is going to this extreme is because this page is exposing him for who he really is.  What I talk about on here are my experiences with him.   What I've said to him, what he's said to me, what I've done and what he's done.  I created this page in April.  I just started updating it two or three days ago.  We've had no contact since March when he last threatened to send pictures and information to the company I worked for.  I took screen shots of that.  The whole conversation, not just bits and pieces.  I told my manager at the time that my ex boyfriend is threatening to send shit.  She was like okay.  I'll let you know if I need those pics.  Then I went on about my business.  I didn't leave him alone because of that, I left him alone because I had already decide to leave him alone after fucking with him the weekend before.  I realized it was a waste of time.  But now, after these past few days especially Tonight, after seeing who he really is, I'm done. 

If this shit does wind up going to court, they're going to laugh at us.  We'll both be in there with our proof arguing our cases. LOL 

July 31

     Figured I’d end this month out with a big WHOOP🥳🎉🎊 WOOP🥳🎊🎉 because I haven’t heard from that dirty rat bastard (DRB) for about two weeks.   I’ve heard so much more about him and I wish I could share the stories but those are not my stories to share. He is truly a diabolical sociopath. He has no empathy or feelings for any woman he is with. I believe he gets off on breaking a woman down and then moves on when he gets bored with them and if they have kids I think that’s an added high for him because not only does he get to manipulate a woman he gets to manipulate her child/children. So far, I’ve been told that I’m “spot on” about how he is and that I’m lucky I got away when I did or that I dodged a bullet. 

August 12

     Man so much has happened these past couple of weeks that I don’t know where to begin. I guess I can start with Tommy and I are on good terms…I think. But someone I know of has been the one messing with Tommy and now his fiancé. She has caused so much drama that it’s ridiculous. If it hadn’t have been for her, none of this would have happened. She’s been harassing this motherfucker since March. She stopped when I accused someone else of doing it and started back up when he sent me the cease and desist.  But I will say that we kind of came together (not physically) and dealt with this person. This heifer tricked me in so many ways that it made me all confused mentally and emotionally drained. She was the driving force of bringing forth my anger and hatred for Tommy and his fiancé. I read what I previously wrote and actually started to believe Tommy when he said she had nothing to do with messing with me or that there was no set up. I really didn’t know what was going on until he messaged me asking me in a nasty way about how was cancer treating me or something.  I didn’t know it was from him. He then sent another message telling me my friend was messaging him and she told him to message me. And I’m like WTF why is she messaging him…then I message her and it turns into these back and forth messages. She was actually proud of what she was doing. She was saying that she was doing me a favor. She showed me the screenshots of the messages and I’m like, wait a minute....did she send Tommy and Tamiko the message that was sent to one of his exes?  LOL...this bitch...LOL this bitch went into our Facebook account and read the messages between one of his exes and I and sent the message that was sent to the ex wife to Tommy and Tamiko and he was fucking pissed.  He was calling her all kinds of cunts and bitches and whatever else he could think of.  He was truly livid.  He was livid because she sent  the message the ex received telling her that Tommy was cheating on her and had moved in another woman into their house while she was in another State pregnant and taking care of his kids on bedrest.  Then she sent message after message to Tamiko just rubbing it in and then he goes and says that he didn't care, that she couldn't hurt him, nothing bothers him and I'm like this dude....well at least he's being honest.  Now this section will be all over the place because the messaging happened over days and I can't keep up with what was sent and when.  I'm just going off of what I remember reading.  The majority of the time that I read this shit I was like leave him the fuck alone and she was just going on and on and I’m like something is going on with this chick. She don’t seem right. She was out of her mind with wanting him and his fiancé to break up and making me seem like this hurt person over him, of all people. I mean yeah he hurt me but I wasn't crippled by it or suicidal. I was just hurt that he did what he did and didn’t understand why and I wanted to know why. Anyways, She has mental issues, on drugs, alcohol and not taking her meds. Her husband and I had to figure out a way to get her committed because she was doing some fucked up shit. Come to find out she was using me to cheat on her husband as well. During all of this Tommy and I talked a lil bit and he answered some questions but I feel like he told me what I wanted to hear so I’d take this site down.  I don’t think he really actually wanted to be friends now that I think about it. I figured that out after talking with him and dealing with my friend. I put it out there that I never wanted for us to be in this situation and that I always wanted to be friends because I already knew the relationship wasn’t going anywhere and I remember saying to him...me taking this travel assignment was going to end our relationship and It did because I was able to truly see he wasn’t attracted to me but I guess I wasn’t ready to end it yet because I wanted to talk about the issues and wanted to give it another try or see what we should do. I wasn’t like done yet completely...I wanted to fix him lol.  But he admitted that he wasn’t attracted to me without actually admitting by saying to me that I’m a good person we just had to many differences but he told my friend that he was never attracted to me. That I wasn’t relationship material.  He tells the truth to my friend but will still lie to me when asked.  I swear that boy can’t tell the truth to save his life.  I did write him a letter and emailed it to him. Just to let him know that what he did was fucked up and pointed out that he lied to me from the beginning…first day and continued on knowing he wasn’t attracted to me.  Its shitty to figure out that the guy who tells you he loves you daily never actually did. The shit he said to make me feel like I found the one and to lead me on, like that was cruel on so many levels and he doesn’t care that he did it. He hasn’t apologized to me or really faced me about what he did. The dude has no empathy at all and I feel like him saying that he hopes I get better is not completely true. I called him out on he only messaging me when that  girl fucks with him. I don’t know what I was truly expecting really. For some reason I hoped that we could talk and possibly hang out one day and I quickly picked up on that not happening. I don’t know why I want to be his friend like that. Lord knows I’ll throw in lil digs here and there but I’ve always been friends with my exes after some time passes. I don’t know. I guess I’m expecting too much from someone like him. He really is heartless and he thinks he isn’t doing anything wrong and when he’s called out on it he doesn’t want anything to do with the person that sees him for who he really is. He’s said to me that he’s done bad things but he’s not a bad person. I’m on the fence about that because as I’ve said before, he hasn’t apologized to me for what he’s done or admit it. He just tells me that I’m a good person but we had too many differences. Differences that he never said anything to me about. He also brought my daughter into his shenanigans by saying that he would be like a father figure to her and gave her presents indicating that he cared for her as a daughter.  She told me today that I'm not the same or don't look the same and she can really see and tell that he hurt me and that makes her feel a certain way about him.  I don't think I'm that altered in my appearance.  I may be a lil more cynical...maybe that's what she's seeing.  

Sept 5th

That girl is at it again.  This time she is being exceptionally mean.  I'm going to have to go up there to see what I can do because I don't think I can do anything from here.  Tamiko's son called saying that he would hurt her or kill her if she messed with his mom and I don't blame him one bit, but I had to say I'm not getting involved when he threatened to harm her.  When he called I was in class.  He called and I sent it away and he called back right away a couple more times.  I told James that it must be her calling from a 636 area code and then answered.   He's talking all this shit and I was thrown off guard at first wondering why he was calling me and was like oh yeah the texts.  I have to distance myself if he's going to be threatening all that and I wasn't telling her shit.  So he wasted his breath and time calling me.  All I said was do what you have to do and I don't think he was expecting me to say that.  I wasn't worried, I knew she wouldn't do anything.  She was just trying to scare them and start up more shit.  I know Tommy don't care but I'm sure she does.  I did say that he and I got an email from a police officer and that I was pressing charges and they should do the same but when I looked at the email that was sent to me from the officer and the email sent to Tommy that I was CCd in, I noticed that there was something wrong.  I was like WTF is she doing.  I didn't notice it at first because I was just going to let things go as long as she stopped all of her BS, and let Tommy and Tamiko decide if they wanted to pursue anything.  That's why I sent his email addresses but I should've paid more attention.  Since she started back up I have to go and press charges but she made up the email and sent it to us I guess to see what we'd do...I dunno.  I haven't heard from Tommy and don't plan on hearing from him.  I know he doesn't care what's happening to him or Tamiko because he could've stopped this by telling her what I told him but he said he couldn't do that, that he couldn't give her the satisfaction of Tamiko saying that him and her weren't together.  I was like who cares if she knows or not...like why does that matter?  Your woman is being harassed and you don't want to do something as simple as that...man I hope she runs far from his ass.  And why is her son calling all pissed and not Tommy for the other day.  What has he told her or not told her?  What has he done to stop this harassment because remember...this is a man who put up with harassing texts and phone calls for months and did absolutely nothing about it.  I really wonder if he's doing anything about her being harassed.  She won't talk to me but I can't help her if she doesn't respond.  I'm going to show all that I have and do something about it.  

Sept 6

After reading all of this I see how emotional I was for quite a while about all he put me through. I’ve learned a lot from all of this.  I’m glad I had the time to chat with him because I was able to truly see him for who he is and that’s what helped me realize that it wasn’t me, it had nothing to with me, it was him. ……I know and accept that he lied from the beginning to end and that he never loved me. I know and accept that he was never sexually attracted to me. I accept that possibly I was someone to pass the time by until he found someone new or go back to his ex. I think I’ll always wonder why and want an explanation but it’s not coming from a place of hurt like it was before. 

This blog post right here is exactly what I went through  and how I felt. I am so thankful that I was strong enough to snap out of it and see the real Tommy. I feel sorry for the women who spent years of their lives with him. My three months with him was an emotional roller coaster that I will not go through again. 

💯💯💯💯How does a narcissist confuse you? What do they do?

Narcissists want to be your living proof, that dreams come true.

Yes, narcissists work really hard to pretend they are something they are not; the gap between who they really are and what they represent themselves to be, are simply eons apart.

Having your best and most fantasized dreams manifest, only to realize it is actually your worst nightmare come to life? Actually, it is probably worse than your worst nightmare.

Narcissists confuse you, cause immense cognitive dissonance, because it is so difficult for you to comprehend that such level of fraud exists.  That people try to gain your trust and love, infiltrating your personal space, emotional sphere, and soul, only to rip it all apart… with a smile on their face.  Narcissists confuse you, because they force you to accept that people aren't capable of doing, what they just did to you.  That it did happen, and it was not just your imagination.

💯💯💯 If your narcissist partner is so unhappy with you why do they keep you around saying they love you?

Ultimately narcissists are unhappy with everyone.

That's because they blame their partners for their dissatisfaction.

Narcissists need a fantasy relationship, they need that thrill, validation and gratification that they're supplied with during the start of the relationship.  They want that infatuation to last forever, and the moment that the relationship evolves beyond that infatuation stage, they start resenting you.  It makes them feel rejected, deprived, bored and invalidated. And they blame it on you.  That's also the reason why they leave you in a heartbeat when they find a new person that's infatuated with them and provides the narcissist with all those things they want to have forever.  For the narcissist, life is a cycle of infatuations and dissatisfactions.

Now, these are the reasons why an unhappy narcissist would still stay with you:

• You offer them certain benefits.

• They haven't found someone to replace you with yet.

They tell you they love you, for as long as they wanna stick around. They will tell you that, leave you 5 minutes after saying it and tell you to stop calling them because they were never in a relationship with you.  I love you, is like the word “hello” to a narcissist. It has no meaning, it's just something you say because the situation calls for it.  When a narcissist claims to love you, they're lying.  They don't know what love is. They never felt it.

Due to their brain structure, they're incapable of attaching to anyone. Or loving you.

It's neurologically impossible.

Sept 7

I had a chat with Tamiko and I was going to go through the chats analyzing and comparing but I decided it would be a waste time because it doesn’t matter. You can read for yourself and come to your own conclusion. This is what this site was created for. I’m telling my story about someone who pretended to want to be with me and had to include his dumb ass fiancé because she decided to insert herself into all of this.  I will add a lil commentary on our conversation by saying that she’s just as fucked up as he is.  When she told me Tommy wasn’t attracted to me because I have saggy titties and that I’m fat, I thought to myself…well he’s fat with a round ass stomach and has man titties. So, he can walk around thinking he’s hot and all that but will pass judgment on others who are fat. Let’s not forget how he told me that I was beautiful and didn’t mind me being fat after I told him multiple times. I thought I had a prize too but figured out quickly that he’s no prize.  I did figure out after the fact that he’s a deadbeat dad but during the relationship he told me how he raised his 1st and that he was all about his boys and family. Well that’s not true at all. I remember him complaining about not getting his stimulus check and I asked him a bunch of questions and one of them was if he was behind on child support and he said nope that he takes care of his kids lol. Well he’s behind on child support and even had that shit lowered at one point and he doesn’t want to pay anymore than he’s already paying, he doesn’t talk to them and barely sees them. He said his ex drug our their divorce trying to keep him from his kids…again not true. His 1st told me (last I spoke to him) that he feels like his dad doesn’t love him. So I say to her…you keep on standing tall next to that weak ass sorry man buttercup lol.  She could be saying all those things because she thinks I still want him. I think deep down she knows I’m right. She got a lot of hints of who he really is but he lied to her and most more than likely turned her against me by telling her it’s me doing all of this to get them to break up so that I could have him back. No boo. I don’t want him back. You can have him, marry him, and live the life you deserve with him because he’s told you what he wanted you know about his past…not the truth and you fell for it.  I'm sure he comes to this site regularly to see what I’ve written and is still trying to figure out a way to get me to take it down. She’ll be back as well if she hasn’t been back already to reread everything and all the updates about our conversation .

Part of a blog from down below...“My ex was crazy.” ANYONE they’ve had a falling out with (which is pretty much EVERYONE) was crazy. They’ll back it up with off-the-wall antics (don’t believe it). If you get a chance to talk to these people, I’m sure you’ll find out that the narcs made them crazy.  Stretching the truth. They exaggerate, embellish and actually outright lie about things they’ve done. Sometimes to win an argument, other times to make themselves look better, and occasionally, just for the heck of it.

October 1

        I didn't think that I would be coming on here to update on the day that I am having surgery about retard 1 and retard 2 or should I call them dumb ass 1 and dumb ass 2.  Either way, last week while I was at work, I get a call from a number that I don't know.  I call it back and some guy starts telling me to leave his girlfriend alone and proceeded to fish out where I live and work.  I don't remember all that was said but basically I was like who are you and why are you calling me.  I asked who his girlfriend was and he said we'll just call her "T" and I was like fuck you I don't know who you are or who the fuck your girlfriend "T" is.  He was telling me that I'm calling from a number that comes back to my number, the number he called me on and I said that's a lie because I'm at work.  His tune changes a lil bit and he goes from mister bad ass to well I'm not trying to be an asshole or anything but if you're doing something it's being investigated.  I was like yeah okay I don't know what you're talking about and hung up. After I hung up I was like that must be one of Tamiko's friends calling me.  So I looked the number up, got a name, address, linked in account, and possible Facebook. I then sent him a message with the information I obtained and told him not to fuck with me.  I'll add screen shots of his shit and the shit she talked to me and Tommy's.  These motherfuckers are seriously out to get me.  I wouldn't be surprised if they're coming up with some way to ruin my career or get me charged for them being harassed when I have nothing to do with it. I have tried multiple times to get that girl to stop and told him a way that might help but he didn't want to.  His response was that it didn't bother him that SHE was being messaged. I believe he said messaging HER (Tamiko) doesn't make him miserable and said that she could change her number.  Seriously...WTF man says that about his woman being harassed.  I tried to send her his responses with my suggestion but she blocked me.  So I sent it to her friend so her friend could see and tell her.  I'm sure he found a way to lie his way around those comments or she doesn't give a shit because he can do no wrong her eyes.  She blames me 100% for this and says that she will make sure she it ends because I supposedly started it as far as she's concerned.  I sent Tommy a messaging telling him how fucked up he is for letting her believe that I'm the one doing all of this and telling him that I will take the consequences if I have to but it's not me and basically said he doesn't give a shit and can't wait for the consequences to come for me.  They keep saying that it's being investigated but I haven't received a call or a visit from anyone as of yet.  I think they said that on my last update that it was being investigated.  I don't know but I did look up the process for investigating phone/text harassment in FL and they're not following the directions from what I have read would be the process.  So, all I can do is wait and see what comes of this investigation and have a lawyer ready for if and when I am contacted.  Tommy is known for his empty threats until provoked to actually follow through so I'm unsure if they did start an investigation.  I think when all of this comes about the police will see that it's been months of back and forth between the 4 of us and that it hasn't been just one side namely me committing harassment.  That we all have been messaging and talking shit to one another since this has escalated.  I don't know what the fuck that girl is doing or saying but she has Tamiko telling me to come to her house to "be that woman."  I told Tommy to ask her what day and time and he never responded.  Her weak ass throws out threats but blocks before she gets a response.  My response is...We can test that assumption at her earliest convenience.  I am not afraid to throw hands if that's what she's seeking.  He knows where I live at...they can come to my house.  Nah better yet, she better sit her old weak ass down someplace before she breaks a hip or loses balance and falls over.  So far, she accuses me of hiding behind fake numbers but her ass hinds behind Tommy,  her son, and now her friend not mention her phone.  She's this keyboard warrior who talks mad shit through messaging but doesn't have the ass to actually speak to me.  I don't know what she's afraid of.  I've been willing to talk to her be she's scared to talk to me.  She wants to meet me with Tommy  hahahahaha.  Too scared to do shit on her own.  Weak ass bitch. 

Look at this shit...this site was supposed to be about Tommy and now it's turned into Tommy and Tamiko BS.  Maybe that's what he's wanted.  Maybe it's some sort of plan of his.  Guess I'm going to have to do a people search on her ass to get her details....wonder what I'll find...

What happens when a narcissist gets married?

When a narcissist gets married, This is what happens with the insignificant other:

• They'll be a spouse.

• They'll adjust to and consider their husband/wife.

• They'll feel loyalty towards their husband/wife.

• They'll be committed to the relationship.

• They'll invest in the marriage and view the marriage to be an everlasting/ long-term connection.

This is what happens with the narcissist:

• They'll still be single.

• They'll continue doing whatever tf they want, regardless of the insignificant others expectations, preferences or needs.

• They will feel zero loyalty towards their insignificant other.

• They remain incapable of any commitment.

• The narcissist feels entitled to be treated like God's gift to human kind. But they won't invest anything in the marriage themselves. The insignificant other is the parent that takes care of the baby narcissist. And does so without complaining about the innocent baby's actions and behavior.

What happens is that the narcissists enslaves the insignificant other and provides them with pure misery.

Other than that, the narcissist will still be a narcissist.  Like any other relationship, Marriage has no meaning to a narcissist.

Which is why his ass was married 3 times and is about to be married for the fourth time to a twatwaffle who decided to play games by breaking up with him.  Probably thinking that she’d show him. He then in turn finds someone to show her that he could/would move on and now they’re back together and engaged. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he did me a favor by breaking up with me even if he was only with me to get back at her.

October 31

I haven’t heard boo from anyone. No police officers, investigators, no phone calls from either, or emails. They kept telling me  it’s being investigated and Tommy went as far as saying he couldn’t wait for the consequences to come to me. I dunno, but this is what I was told when I went to the police about that girl harassing me…when I went to the police, I was told there’s nothing they can do. They did tell me not to respond and to gather as much evidence as I could and then take it to the police office to where SHE RESIDES to file a report. Now when I spoke to Tommy on the phone the day she had us in a group chat I started to tell him the Cocoa police couldn’t do anything and he cuts me off by saying well that’s not what Osceola police say and I then say oh really. Mind you I wasn’t done with my sentence but I allowed him to continue. He tells me that they had called the police because she was threatening to come out there and that they (the police) were investigating.  They gave them all of my information and hers. So then I asked, well why didn’t you tell me; I’m being harassed too. He didn’t have a response but then stated again what they were supposed to do when she messaged them. So then I say so you’re responding to her because her messages in our group chat are trying to prove to Tamiko that it's not me messaging her…he was like no we’re not responding. I’m like okay well I’ll just wait for the cops to contact me, I won’t go to GA. He seemed to have a lil issue with that but my response was why go there if it can be handled here. He says well you do what you want and we’ll take care of our ( their) end. I was okay and we hung up. While I finished my ride home I thought to myself that those fuckers are setting me up. She thinks it’s me and he’s going along with it. At one point he told me that she didn’t think it was me and she knew that I was sorry and was trying to stop it.  I guess he changed his mind about believing me. Later that night is when she messaged me wanting to meet so we could put an end to her harassment which turned into a whole other conversation you can read for yourself below. Now let me explain why I backpedaled on meeting when she messaged me. I backpedaled because they said they were having it investigated and said for me to do what I wanted to do. That they were going to do their thing. So, why meet with them to resolve the problem if they were already handling it. I started to think while she was asking to meet (at first) that they were going to set me up somehow because she thinks it’s me. She went from wanting to meet to resolve things with the harassment to other bullshit that was irrelevant. Honestly the only person I wanted to meet with was Tommy because I wanted him to tell me to my face why he did what he did but he was too scared to do that when asked nicely but when his fiancé wanted to meet he was willing. SMH. I should’ve known  that he wasn’t  really going to follow through with what he said but I gave him the benefit of doubt. What’s that’s saying…fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me 🤷🏽‍♀️.   At this point all I can say is If they’re still being fucked with it’s because Tamiko wanted to play games by making our chat out to be about mine and Tommy’s nonexistent relationship (as far as she’s concerned) and shit that they supposedly did during said relationship that was totally irrelevant. If they hadn’t of lied about the whole police situation...been more forthcoming about it or she not talked all that shit that didn’t matter, we would’ve met and they wouldn’t be getting harassed. So, that’s all on them and their actions. She has messaged me here and there to show me what she’s up to but I told her to leave me out of it, stop sending me shit, and to leave them the fuck alone. That they are trying to put this all on me.  I don't know where she's at or know anything about what she's doing.  I should probably contact my lawyer just in case.

I will say This website has helped with getting out all of my thoughts and frustrations but the biggest things that helped was going ax throwing and the gun range.  Going ax throwing and using his face as the target, was so much fun that one night. We all had a blast and that helped in the beginning. But when my gun club girls took me to the range to use their faces as targets that was even better. We went after he sent that cease and desist and when he sent those emails to the department of health and my old job.  We’ve been getting together a lot and I  use their pictures as targets. I get a kick out of using them as targets. I would post the pictures of me be blowing their faces to smithereens but I’ll just keep that to myself and laugh. The guy at the range use to look at me all crazy. I told him it’s better to shoot at a paper target rather than the human target…I’m too pretty for prison 😂🤣. 

November 9

Why is it that when I think things have moved on something pops up with this stupid bitch?  Guess who sent me another cease and desist "order" hahaha....order? lol  He's no governmental agency.  This one does look more official with citing the laws he's accusing me of breaking and it looks like he means business! lol. He even included a list of his county's and my county's DA and Police Department that he CC'd.  Oh Let me not forget the Osceola circuit court was CC'd as well. He didn't need to do all that.  I know very well what all those words mean in your warning letter.  I still know he wrote it but this time he had someone deliver it.  He wanted to make sure I got it this time.  I didn't even know he had a business.  I thought he was working for a property management company but good for him for making that step.  I wish his business well and hope it flourishes.  Something popped into my head when I read that he had a business in his "order".  I remember how much shit he talked about his boss (the owner) with Terrell Materials.  He called that man stupid whenever we'd talk about work.  He would say that he didn't know anything about concrete, that he wasn't fit to have a business in concrete and some other stuff I can't remember.  All I remember is that he never had a whole lot of nice things to say about his boss that he claims to be so cool with. He had no respect for that man but that man seemed to have respect for Tommy.  We were sitting in the car one night and his boss called.  They talked about business and then Tommy asks him to rent a car for him to go home to SC for Thanksgiving; he was boasting about how his boss would do anything for him before the call.  The guy was like yeah sure if you want one we can do that.  I think he asked for a Mercedes rental I think and the guy was like yeah yeah and then Tommy said nah man that's okay.  I can use the truck.  When they hung up he was like see he'll do anything I ask because I'm the best he's got or something like that.  I don't remember exact words but yeah it was a cocky comment.  Also he was also very negative about the men who worked for him.  Said they were all lazy and didn't know shit.  He constantly complained about them.  Edgar the most.  I would always just sit and listen and be like damn does he like anyone he work with.  He had some good arguments about some things but as a manager...in my opinion now reflecting on our past conversations, he might not have been a good one but I don't know because I never worked for him.  Oh yeah, he had to replace people a couple times and when he was looking for candidates he had to choose between a woman and a man one time and he chose the man because he says that he didn't want to expose her to men that could sexually harass her or something to that nature.  I was like how long has she been in the industry?  Hasn't she possibly already been exposed and knows how to handle herself most more than likely?  He just seemed as if he didn't want to be bothered by the possibilities of something bad happening.  I don't remember a real response but he went with the man instead and that man wound up not showing up for work.  He just quit with no notice lol and he had to go work his shifts and his dayshifts.  That was at the end of our relationship.  I can't lie, I low key laughed when that happened...not to his face though.  I was like, you probably should've hired the woman and he just gave me this odd look.  It's funny how these random memories  of things he's said or done that I overlooked even though I knew they were not right in one way or another just pop up when he contacts me.  I really did overlook or turn a blind eye to (is a better term) things about his character.  He's a shitty person and everyone who I've told the story to or have read this agrees with me.  If you look at the image carousel, I think I have a screen shot of him saying that he's done bad things but "I'm not a bad person."  That to me shows that he knows he's a shitty human being and he wants to hide it.  

So, I guess this is going to turn into a legal battle and many more updates as this plays out.  Time to contact my lawyer.  Too bad all of this couldn't be settled differently.  I do have a few nagging questions though.  Tommy and his fiancé have told me that everything he is accusing me of was being investigated, was it actually investigated by the police?  does he have proof? And if he does, why not just take that proof and file charges?  I mean he's the one that said that he "can't wait for the consequences to come" for me so, I asked for the detective's name to move the process along for him but he never responded with it.  If he had done that, he wouldn't have had to waste his time with creating another cease and desist and paying for it to be served to me yesterday.  To file a complaint with the police, DA, and/or file a civil suit you have to have proof and if he has the proof already why doesn't he just do what he really wants to do and have me charged, arrested, and/or sue me?  Why haven't the police contacted me during this investigation?  I've been waiting for a couple months now.  This is odd to me because you just can't go and file complaints against people without any proof.  It seems odd to hold onto all that proof just to warn me about something his fiancé and her friend already warned me about.  Plus that dumbass didn't even include his fiancé in the letter lol.  Legally she's not family.  So, he just left out because he was so concerned for himself, family, and business...why not her?  I wonder if those idiots think by putting in "family" that that included her lol.  

You know, when we were on good terms for a couple weeks.  He never asked me about everything I have said on here.  He just asked why I think and I'm not so sure he even did that but he did make a cute lil joke on a different way to express myself I think.  For some reason I can't fully remember what he said but I do remember he made a joke like he kind of understood.  I don't know maybe it'll come to me at another time.  But anyways, he never accused me of lying.  Not one time did he ever ask to change anything or correct something I remembered wrong possibly. He was more upset about it being public and he really wanted it down.  I was like well, it turned out to be therapeutic for me because you caused me mental anguish and now it's turned into my right to have free speech.  This is my diary from the mental anguish he has caused and it happens to be public.  I worked on this site for a month or so adding and adding more content as I remembered things.  Shit if it hadn't have been for Tamiko I would've never known it actually went public.  THANKS TAMIKO!!!!! Bahahahaha.  

December 3

     I finally got in to see my lawyer to show him the cease and desist (posted in Tommy's convo).  All I'll say is, let the games begin if wants to go this route.  I've told him and that bitch multiple times that I'm not the one messing with them.  I have no reason to do so.  I am happy that he is engaged and starting a business for himself.  I'm only upset or angry about how he used and lied to me and I've gotten past that.  I don't particularly care for him but I don't wish him any ill will.  What's happening to him and his fiancé is his own fault.  He didn't deal with it the way that I tried to help him with.  His pride got in the way and from what I can ascertain from the cease and desist she's doing a lot of fucked up shit that she tried to get me to do and I wouldn't.  I left her ass alone and deleted her from everything once I realized how mental she really is.  I told him that and apologized profusely when we were on good terms briefly.  I even tried to apologize to his bitch.  So, I have nothing to do with that girl anymore.  I don't know where she is or what she's doing and he can't blame me or hold me accountable for that.  He had his chance and he'll suffer...oh yeah and his fiancé since he didn't care that she was being messed with as well.  I didn't think she would actually go through with some of the stuff and I hope she doesn't do the real fucked up shit she talked about.  I know I come on here and talk shit but they do deserve it.  Lying asses. 

Narcissist Blogs

What are the vulnerabilities of narcissists?

This is what I perceive.

1. Low self confidence

2. weak in character

3. cowards

4. unable to face truth

5. panicky

6. their inner critic tortures them

7. at times they feel disgusted with their own selves. But they will never admit to that.

8. a unique kind of laziness - it is like it is laced with fear

9. cannot bear being alone.

10. very negative attitude

11. a huge sense of envy for everyone they perceive is better than them

12. very materialistic

13. obsessed by image

What happens when a narcissist gets married?

When a narcissist gets married,

This is what happens with the insignificant other:

• They'll be a spouse.

• They'll adjust to and consider their husband/wife.

• They'll feel loyalty towards their husband/wife.

• They'll be committed to the relationship.

• They'll invest in the marriage and view the marriage to be an everlasting/ long-term connection.

This is what happens with the narcissist:

• They'll still be single.

• They'll continue doing whatever tf they want, regardless of the insignificant others expectations, preferences or needs.

• They will feel zero loyalty towards their insignificant other.

• They remain incapable of any commitment.

• The narcissist feels entitled to be treated like God's gift to human kind. But they won't invest anything in the marriage themselves. The insignificant other is the parent that takes care of the baby narcissist. And does so without complaining about the innocent baby's actions and behavior.

What happens is that the narcissists enslaves the insignificant other and provides them with pure misery.

Other than that, the narcissist will still be a narcissist.  Like any other relationship, Marriage has no meaning to a narcissist.

Which is why his ass was married 3 times and is about to be married for the fourth time to a twatwaffle who decided to play games with him by breaking up with him.  Probably thinking that she’d show him. He then in turn finds someone to show her that he could/would move on and now they’re back together and engaged. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, he did me a favor by breaking up with me even if he was only with me to be with her because I fell like he’s be putting me through some miserable bullshit. 

Why does a narcissist create false and negative image of you in their mind (in devaluation and discard phase)? Why does he/she need this?

There is a real reason for this.

First, it will become evident that you are getting disappointed in the narcissistic person. It is frustrating for them that you can’t stay forever in that amazing euphoria you initially had for them. Incidentally, you will be the one to start devaluing them first. How many time did you say ‘you are not who I thought you were’, ‘I know who you really are’, etc? Just like you have legitimate reasons for your disappointment, they also have as well. They are with you to feel good and you are now ruining it. Hence, they will escalate devaluation from there.

Narcissistic individuals know that they have characteristics inside themselves that are not very admirable and the problem is a bit bigger compared whatnyou thought initially. Little criticism is a big symptom for them and can not be dismissed. It is painful for them to fall off the pedestal with literally each and every intimate partner they tried to be with. Their low self esteem creates pathological paranoia that you will see them as weak individual and incapable of surviving on their own instead of being strong and independent like they preech to be. Even a thought that you might see through them is enough to unload a lot of put downs on you.

Narcissists also know that only individuals with low self esteem and codependency issues are candidates to secure relationship that will last…somewhat. These kind of invividuals are needy and the narcissist can’t provide enough to anyone let alone to a needy partner. Frustration sets in and they start making excuses why you are not worth it anyway. The more resentment you show, the more they devalue you asserting you deserve all they do wrong while with you and they truly do believe that. If you stay in the relationship it means it is ok to continue mistreating you. Hence, more devalue because person with self respect will not allow that. Since narcissists are great at mirroring, they will reflect the lack of your own self respect to you. It will feel like devaluing but before anyone else devalues you, you first have to allow it by devaluing yourself. Basically, you devalued yourself and them. Telling the narcissist you will ‘be there unconditionally’ is simply not true and they know it too. You want them to change but it is not going to happen.

Narcissistic individuals know that they are not relationship material but yet depend on having a relationship or else they are as helpless as a newborn. it pains them and drains them to be with partners who are acting disappointed and critical of them hence will find ways to punish you for it.

AT THE END OF THE CHARADE,

The narcissist will:

• Treat you like a homeless stranger, that they never been in a relationship with, or benefitted from.

• Be disgusted by you and won't hesitate to express that.

• Act like you killed off their family and are refusing to understand why the narcissist is upset with you.

• Be consumed with being happy with someone else and won't have the time nor patience to deal with your grief.

• Not spare any words or actions to show you that you mean less than nothing to them.

• Find your misery and pain annoying and funny.

• Blame everything on you. Everything that happened from the dinosaur extiction up until the end of the world, will be a burden you'll have to carry.

• Be settled into a new relationship, they’ve been investing time and effort in, while still being with you.

• Show you the highest level of disrespect, brutality, animosity and disregard you've ever seen in your life.

• Find that you and your need for closure can go suck a fucking dick.

****Being with a person with npd is not really a relationship. Yeah you might hang out all the time.. go places.. have sex but that's not a true relationship. Firstly a relationship needs intimacy and they have sex just to get off is not really intimate. Real intimate sex is going to have alot of I love you's and starring into each other's eyes and doing things to make your significant other happy.. and lots of cuddleing and sweet talk at the end. Nice playful kisses and holding hands. Narcissist don't do that. Second.. a relationship needs caring and being able to talk through difficult times. They don't do that either.. they'll either rage or ghost/silent treatment. Third.. a relationship needs commitment/trust. Narcissist like to live a double life.. one day be with you and act all fine.. the next with there friend,family or another “supply” and talk bad about you. I mean honestly narcissist barley ever have anything good to say about anyone.. even people close to them. Fourth.. relationships need people to bond.. that's how you care for the other person and love them. Narcissist do not bond. They have very little empathy for your sadness.. depression..stress.. or pain. Those are just a few points why a relationship would not work with a person who has narcissistic personality disorder.

*****The narcissist will go out of their way to ensure you know about their new relationship. This could be through social media posts, mutual connections, or even directly contacting you about it. They might even thank you, to tell you how much they appreciated your time together and how much they learned from the break up, to be a better person for their new partner.

If you can't resist the temptation to look the new love birds up on Facebook, you might see everything you thought you had in the beginning of your relationship. You'll see happy faces, gushing posts, and what looks like domestic bliss.

The person who made your self-esteem drop to the floor appears to have completely vanished.

You might start to question your own worth, and ask yourself questions like, "Why couldn't they be like that for me?," "Wasn't I enough?," or "Was it my fault?"

Yes, you were enough. No, it wasn't your fault. What you have to remember is this is all an act. When the narcissist met you, they put on the same mask. You had that smiling, happy face once, before the narcissist showed their true colors.

Narcissist never change!

They are obsessed with the idealized image of themselves, which they believe to be superior to everybody else. They are deeply miserably people with low self-esteem, so they create an inflated version of themselves in their minds, giving them a false sense of superiority. Small spats which all normal couples go through turn into never-ending circular arguments with narcissists, because they only see fault in others.  They are perfect in their mind.  This contempt they see for everyone else around them is deep-rooted. This means sooner or later, that hatred and disgust will be pointed towards the person they are in a relationship with. A romantic attachment doesn't protect you from being the target.

Narcissist can never really love anyone

It doesn't matter how much they love bombed you with love at the beginning with gifts, compliments, and undivided attention, because this wasn't their true self. That's why it's important to remember that no matter how happy and loved-up they look with their new partner, it's only a matter of time before they start being belittled and insulted too.  Every relationship they have is transactional, meaning they are always looking into what they can get out of it. Sooner or later, they will suck their partner dry of money, enthusiasm, self-esteem, or all three, and they discard them without looking back.

That's why you should never be jealous of your narcissistic ex's new partner — they haven't changed. They aren't fixed. They aren't happier with this new person. They are merely going through the same first steps of the relationship you did, and you should be glad you're free from it.

After the idealization phase, which the new relationship is in, devaluation starts, which is when the narcissist starts to tear down your confidence and makes you miserable.

So instead of worrying that you were the problem, tell yourself this: someone else's actions are never your fault. We are all responsible for what we say and how we act, and if your narcissistic ex decided to make you feel worthless and unloved, it was never because of something you did. It was because they cant deal with fact we are all imperfect.

Will a narcissist hurt everyone they end up with?

Yes. They will treat everyone they have a relationship with the same, and badly. This applies to friends and colleagues as well, except the damage is usually less because there is less emotional connection. As for romantic relationships, damage and hurt are guaranteed. The narc lies to each supply, to trap them into a relationship. The lies are nasty, and devious - I love you, you are my world, we are soulmates. Since narcs are usually very charming and convincing, the supply (that is all they are to the narc, supply) usually falls for it,falls in love with them , and then spends the rest of the relationship (which soon heads to devalue then discard) regretting it. If children are involved, they get hurt too, because the narc can discard his or her own child as easily as a supply. Please see my other answers for some of the ways narcs do their damage. Please start learning about narcissism. Too many people embark on narc relationships knowing nothing about it- maybe they have heard the term, but they think it just means arrogance or self involvement. They discover too late that it is much more sinister than that, and that the price they will pay for getting involved is real pain.

Hidden Knowledge, the Secret of the Lovebomb

The lovebomb has three purposes:

1 - to gather information about you that will be used to hurt you later

2 - to implant into your mind a false character that will be used to excuse much of the narcissists poor behaviour

3 - to flood you with positive narcissistic supply so that you fall in love with the narcissist

In the initial encounter with the narcissist, they are using their cold empathy to create a neural map of you. In order to find out what hurts you the most, they must find out what you care about most.

The narcissist will attempt to create a mold of you. They will engulf you. They will spend as much time as they can with you, probing and testing, taking notes. Later on, they will use this to strike you where you are vunerable.

This internal picture the narcissist is making of you is what Dr Vaknin disingenuously calls the “Interject”.

They will like what you like, dislike what you dislike, but also go against you from time to time to test your limits, poking and withdrawing, poking and withdrawing, to see what kind of character they can create. They will set up this persona to give them leeway for bad behavior. Its an economical measure as it is incredibly difficult for a narcissist to be on good behaviour.

For example, in order to be allowed isolate you, they may tell you they are anxious, and do not like being in groups. The pretense at anxiety will also allow them to be rude towards your family and friends, and cause you to make great efforts to look after your poor tender darling, who in reality is anything but. The character is both a control mechanism and a strawman to blame things on.

The engulfment also tricks you into falling in love with them and lowering your defences. As they are investing what is essentially “positive narcissistic supply” (more accurately, validation) into you, people with weak egos will mistake this for unconditional love. People with weak egos missed out on this parental validation, this “no matter what" love in their infancy. The narcissist will engage in long heart to hearts with you, llulling you into the false sense that they care about you. They seek to become the one and only pillar that supports you.

If you mistake this intimacy for love, you will become bonded to them. Once certain of the bond, via a period of subtle abuse, they will begin to abuse you in earnest. They will stick their proboscis into you and feed hungrily, desperate to make up for the huge amount of energy expended during their Hunt.

This is an expensive exercise for the narcissist. They use a lot of energy during this investigation. How long they can keep this up depends upon how many other victims they are currently abusing.

You can either rebuff them firmly, or lead them on for a while, in order to drain their energy and weaken them.

If they are unable to ensnare you, this will leave them at a nett loss, and depending on the amount and quality of other victims, desperate to feed. Their behavior will become erratic, and their mask, which requires energetic upkeep, will begin to slip.

Narcissists can come across as very charming and kind when you first meet them.

Although I would prefer to describe it as the narc coming across as “alluring and magnetic”. It's as if they are seducing prey to approach them and fall under their spell… so the narc can then move in for the kill.

The narcissist quickly identifies how to carry themselves, to carry the seductive charm in face of the target.

They are good at reading what would impress/ hook in the target:

If the target wants someone mysterious, the narc becomes a mysterious mythical beast.

If the target wants someone who is powerful, the narc will come across as someone who is highly respected in all ambits of life and can pull-strings to make things happen.

If the target wants someone intelligent, well… they just met the new Einstein!

The narc will put on the facade that works best to charm the target

How will a narcissist treat you when you are sick?

I have good news and bad news about how the narcissist will treat you when you’re sick.

The good news is you won’t have to endure their negativity,

their bad attitudes, or

their temper tantrums when they’re not the center of attention,

Or hear them bitch and moan because you got jello and they didn’t—just because you’re in the hospital.

The bad news is you won’t have to endure those things because they won’t be anywhere near where you’re at.

They become ghosts when you’re puking your guts out with the flu.

YOU can hear the sound of crickets chirping the day after you give birth—to their child—and you don’t feel 100 percent ok yet.

They flee to another time zone when faced with the possibility of having to hold your hand through dialysis or chemo.

When I was in the hospital once, my husband of 30 years showed up ONCE—to grudgingly bring me my cell phone, some mismatched pajamas and a pair of torn underwear.

I was thrilled to have my phone until he left and I discovered the phone was dead and there was no phone charger.

I didn’t see him for the rest of the 5 days I was there.

When I was released I called him to come get me.

He told me to take an Uber home.

THE good news is I didn’t have to take an Uber home from the hospital after all.

After thinking about it, he came and got me.

The bad news is I found out why he was reluctant to interrupt his busy schedule just to cater to my transportation needs.

HE was f***** his 20 year old girlfriend at my house, in my bed, while I lay near death 4 miles away in the ICU.

That’s how a narcissist will treat you when you are sick.

Why do narcissists discard children?

Not sure they all do this. At least physically anyway. Mentally of course, they discard everyone.

The diagnosed one I knew hasn’t physically discarded his children…at least not yet. Not sure he ever will. He needs them, after all. To make him look and even feel, good…and normal.

He is also working out his horrible past through his children. I swear that is why he wanted children. To prove something about himself to everyone who knows him.

As destructive as he had been to them psychologically by involving them in his own various problems etc, I cant imagine him ever freeing them from his disordered grip.

He won’t. They will have to ditch him.

His children were paramount to his image of being a great guy. Discarding them would never do. It wouldn’t look good to others. He was very smart that way. He knew exactly how to play the victim of a man who seemingly ‘lost’ his family to a ‘bad and nonappreciative’ wife leaving him.

He was also well aware that children are veritably trapped with their parents, which he wielded like a knife. Their entrapment was a real bonus to him. He won’t let that go. No way.

He used the children for many self serving things…so that he himself could appear normal and ‘good’, to forever stay in their mother’s life and harass her, and also to garner other family members as enablers in the erroneous belief that family was everything to him.

He mostly used his children as pawns to torture their mother, his ex wife. He delighted in the fact that she couldn’t get rid of him because they have children together.

He wanted to turn them against her, so he won’t discard them as long as he can do that.

He seemed to believe that any one who is a parent, is a great person…yet on the other hand…according to him, he was the only good parent there ever was.

He is not respectful of any other parents (including his ex wife or anyone else for that matter). Only he as a parent matters as a parent. Everyone else is not as good as he is at it.

Weird, as usual.

Do narcissists believe in staying with their partner for a very long time?

NO.

Narcissists don't believe in staying with anyone.

They just go with the flow.

Narcissists don't make long term plans.

They just do whatever is in their best interest, and that's what paves their path in life.

As long as the situation benefits them, they'll hang around. If they don't like it anymore, they'll move on.

That's not to say that some narcissists won't stay in a long term relationship. They will sometimes.

Here are some reasons why they would stay:

• They don't wanna start paying child support.

• They don't want the hassle of dealing with a break-up.

• They'd lose everything if they leave, because it's all yours.

• They wanna keep up appearances to people outside the relationship.

• They're doing whatever they want and you're letting them.

Some stay, some leave.

But in both cases, this is the reality of it:

• They don't love you.

• They are with you for their own personal gain.

• They don't view you as a partner.

• They have zero consideration for how you feel, or how anything they do would affect you.

• They are disloyal to their core.

So, a narcissist staying with you for a long time,

Will never have to do with you.

It only has to do with it being the best situation for them.

Long time, short time,

A narcissist is always mentally single.

And more than often, physically as well.

Narcissists believe in doing whatever tf they want

****What are some key phrases to pay attention to when dealing with a narcissistic person?

Thanks for the A2A Jay. I am going to answer this question with hard-earned hindsight. These are the things to look out for early on. These are things I wish I had paid attention to before I got involved.

“Been there, done that (better than you).” One up-manship. They are extremely conscious of where they stand in relation to others. I believe the experts call this hierarchical thinking. The narcissist must be at the top, so if you’ve done it, he’s done it more, better, faster, etc.

“I had a tough upbringing.” You will hear about their awful parents, grandparents, brothers, sisters, how deprived they were, that they were bullied, etc. They are telling you they grew up in a dysfunctional family. It actually would behove you to take note of this. It is a harbinger of things to come.

Stretching the truth. They exaggerate, embellish and actually outright lie about things they’ve done. Sometimes to win an argument, other times to make themselves look better, and occasionally, just for the heck of it (which means I have no idea why. It made no sense to me).

“Sounds like a personal problem.” This might be said when you are complaining about something. It means they don’t want to hear about your boring problems, but you can bet you’re gonna hear about theirs.

“People don’t know how to drive in this f-ing state.” Road rage. Watch what they do, and listen to what they say when they are in traffic. Rush hour is a competitive sport. They take the driving of others personally.

“What did they say about me?” You might get quizzed after a function that you and the narcissist attended. For some reason they think other people are always thinking about them.

“My ex was crazy.” ANYONE they’ve had a falling out with (which is pretty much EVERYONE) was crazy. They’ll back it up with off-the-wall antics (don’t believe it). If you get a chance to talk to these people, I’m sure you’ll find out that the narcs made them crazy.

Repeating the same stories. The same stories, the same complaints, over and over. I was too polite to tell him he had told me before. I now know he had canned speeches about his past. He told them so often, he forgot who he told them to.

“I really don’t like holidays.” Yup, they will bring the most joyful of occasions down. They don’t like holidays, so you, or anybody else for that matter, won’t enjoy them either. They’ll have some trumped-up reason for feeling this way. It would never occur to them to be civil for the benefit of others.

I, I, I. Aye, yai, yai! will you hear a lot of statements that begin with I. A disproportionate amount. I mean, you won’t get even close to equal floor time, no matter where you are. or who you are with, or what the occasion. It’s your birthday, graduation, funeral? Doesn’t matter.

Sometimes it’s more about what they won’t say. I never heard, “That’s a good point. You’re right.” They have unbelievable stamina, and incredible skill, when it comes to debate. I NEVER won an argument. I would just get exhausted and give up. I also never heard “I’m sorry” but I ended up being sorry. I was very sorry I ignored this obnoxious behavior.

Live and learn.

***Why will a narcissist be in a long term relationship, if they are always looking for new supply?

Steve… thank you for this question. I think there are many reasons a narcissist chooses someone as a long term partner. I feel on a subconscious level it is their fear of abandonment, so it is a rare narcissist you will see living a solo single life.

I believe my ex narc chose me for a long term partner as initially I checked off his idealized person. Young. Educated. No kids. Compassionate and high levels of empathy. He could assess from moment one I lacked boundaries.

I looked like the perfect person to present to the world to show he was a solid human being and not the monster his ex wife described to others. He literally left her bed and found his way to mine.

I believe there were many women he was grooming to be his next long term relationship. One even attended our wedding party and shared w another guest, “that should have been me.”

I believe he continued to court an old flame and also had her believing he would take the leap w her.

Looking back I can assure you that me being chosen as the long term partner was not based on love. It was based on his assessment that I was prey he wanted to capture and ultimately attempt to destroy.

The long term relationship allows them to quiet their fear of abandonment while they seek new supply. He set things up financially so I had to be rely on him. So imagine the first time I realize it’s all a facade, beyond the confusion and pain I also realize I am stuck because I have access to zero dollars or resources. My self esteem is also squashed as he has repeatedly told me that friends, family, colleagues do not like me and wishes he would leave me.

The hunt for new supply is in my opinion a given. The new supply allows them to feel superior, validated, wanted and in control.

The new supply can range from one night stands to intimate affairs. I also feel there is often a stable full of old lovers. These are the lovers who never got to be fully invested in the relationship with the narc and so they are still hoping for their time.

For me, as I was waking up to this, never blamed the other women. He lied to most of them about his life… it did however leave me feeling like I am not enough.

Even if you are the perfect partner, they will be bored. And trying to please someone all the time and be what they want was crushing to my soul. I felt like I didn’t exist accept to please him.

As I observe emotionally healthy relationships I see the showing up two people offer to each other. The care and compassion. The ability to talk and discuss differences without being hijacked into word salad, triangulation or gaslighting.

it truly takes time away from the dynamics to gain clarity. And not clarity because you read 10 articles (although this is helpful) Clarity because you begin to observe their behaviors w/o being emotionally invested. Clarity because your nervous system is not on high alert every moment.

walking away will quite possibly be the hardest thing you ever choose to do… and yet it is also the only path to healing.

I hope this offers some clarity. And I wish you the knowing that you deserve to connect back to you and thrive.

**** There will be no unmasking for a narcissist.

You can unmask them all day long, but that doesn't mean the narcissist agrees with your unmasking.

Narcissists suffer from NPD.

NPD is a disorder that alters reality and changes the narcissists perspective.

The narcissists social circle, usually consists of friends that blindly follow the narcissist, believe their every word and agree with and strengthen the narcissists perspective. (“Dying Donkeys”)

Those are the only type of friends the narcissist will have, refusing to fall in line, would lead to a swift discard.

Anyway, “unmasking” a narcissist will only count in your dimension. The narcissist, the dying donkeys, the narcissists family, your mutual friends and acquaintances, all live in another dimension.

The dimension in which you're viewed as crazy as fuck, a raging lunatic, that has trouble moving on from the narcissist. A biased lying stalker.

Now, enough about your delusions of grandeur.

A narcissist coming back to you, will never depend on:

• What you said.

• What you did.

• What you think you did.

You could throw a narcissist through a glass window, then shoot em in the face, and they'll still come back.

Because them coming back to you, always depends on:

• What they need.

• What they want.

• If you got what they need or want.

This could be money, shelter, attention, sex, whatever.

The narcissist doesn't care about wtf you think you did.

They don't care if you're mad, upset, furious, or sad.

They only care about if you're willing to cater to their needs.

And if you don't mind to go suck a dick after that. Again.

Why do narcissists get worse over time?

Originally Answered: Why do narcissists get worse and worse? It’s like they have no respect for you at all.

It's not “like” they don't respect you. They truly don't.

Here's why they seem to get worse:

Narcissists:

• Are hateful.

• Are envious.

• Are insecure.

• Lack a moral compass.

• Habitualy lie.

• Lack empathy.

• Are unable to attach, love or care for you.

• Care only about what they need.

And so on. Point is they're disordered. They suffer from NPD.

The person that you first meet, when you meet the narcissist, doesn't exist.

Suffering from NPD, makes narcissists idealize every person they enter a relationship with. Which is great, were it not for the fact that they do that, because:

• They have unrealistic expectations of you.

• They have a distorted view of you, one that's perfect.

• They're confusing infatuation and lust for love.

When narcissists are idealizing you, they emulate you and put their best foot forward to be all you could ever ask for. They do this subconsciously.

Narcissists don't have a personality, their NPD taught them to copy traits and behavior, in order to be accepted by others. That's what they do during that first stage. But it's not who they really are.

When your infatuation develops to attachment, the narcissist perceives that, as you rejecting them.

They don't understand love, they only understand gratification and validation (adrenaline, endorphines and confirmation of their greatness). That's what they need to feel worthy and loved. And to them it feels as if you stopped loving them.

Because of their lack of object constancy, they can't like you anymore and they feel that you conned them into this relationship, by portraying yourself as someone else. Failing to understand that they themselves, painted that picture of perfection of you.

Their lack of empathy and attachment, takes care of the rest and makes for a relationship in which the narcissist hates you, you don't understand why, the narcissist feeling that they don't have to consider you at all, and eventually, the narcissist (emotionally/physically) cheating on you, to fulfill their needs.

The longer you stay, the worse it gets.

The narcissist needs what they need and noone can supply them with it forever.

They hate it. And they hate you.

*** What happens when your narcissist realizes you no longer trust them?

They'll start saying things, like:

• You said you forgave me.

• We can't move on if you're not willing to let go of the past.

• Like you never did anything to me.

• What you're doing isn't healthy.

• Idc if you never want me again, you need to start processing the past, for your own sake.

• You're toxic.

• I might as well do it, if you don't trust me anyway.

• You're ruining the relationship.

• I'm worried about you, you should get some help.

• You need to learn how to trust me, without trust we have nothing.

Bottom line:

They act like you got some problem, and that that's the reason for the relationship being ruined.

The fact that they brought on the problem that you have, is conveniently forgotten.

Might you try to point that out, they'll just start talking about something you did, before they ever did anything to you.

They'll bring up something that doesn't compare, at all, to what they did. Like maybe forgetting their moms bday.

And stand there and act like it was 2000 times worse than what they did.

But they won't name it, they'll just say: remember what you did February 2020… To try n add to the gravity of it.

Yeah, they just act like you decided to be upset,

Because you want to destroy the relationship

What scares a narcissist and makes them back off?

Showing them that you have power too.

They immediately back off and then after that they come crawling back to you and play the victim. They also apologize, but they never mean it. In the long run if you ignore them and respond vaguely they tend to lose the power they once had over you.

Also if they emotionally blackmail you and threaten to tell someone close to you something that you did, all you do is come clean with them first before the narc does it themselves. This leaves the narc powerless and they back off immediately because now your close person knows everything and most of the time they will side with you.

I know this because I've been through it and let me tell you, once you scare them off they become cowards.

*** The narcissist doesn't want to share anything.

You're not to have half. That would make you equal.

They're to have everything and you nothing.

They want to take what you have from you.

And possess everything you have.

That's what the narcissist wants.

Why? Because they need for you to be worthless, so they can be worthy.

They need you to be nothing, so they can be everything.

The narcissist is with you for one reason only.

You're to regulate their self-esteem.

You can't regulate it, if the narcissist can't outshine you.

If you don't want your life destroyed, you can't help the narcissist.

So don't be silly, just hand it over.

Everything please. Not half.

The narcissist doesn't give 2 fucks.

And sharing is caring. You're not making any sense

*** How soon does a narcissist sleep with another person right under your nose?

At worst, the same day you met them. At best, as soon as possible thereafter. They regard it as their entitlement, and the only thing that will stop them is the fear of getting caught, and being kicked into touch by a valuable supply. That is why they use their network of flying monkeys to give them plausible alibis and cover stories. So your narc is probably cheating right now, and getting someone to cover. To be sure, get a private detective. I wish I had- it would have saved me years of believing the bs- What? I would never do that! I´m appalled, you are only accusing me because you are cheating. Etcetera. When it turned out he had been having affairs almost from Minute One.

If you suspect, you are probably right. I take no pleasure in saying that, it is a hard thing to suffer, and harder when they deny it hotly, counter-accuse, and are secretly laughing behind your back.

It goes with the territory if you are with a narc, and STDs are a real concern for their partners.

Please read about narcissism so you can see what is really going on. It will help you cope, and it will help you recover when you leave. I say when not if, because I think when you see how little your narc loves you and how it will end, you will see that you must. It will also explain why I say that there is no such thing as a successful relationship with a narc, and no such thing as a happy ending with one- all are doomed to failure, either by you getting fed up and walking away, or the narc ditching you, or you being fully controlled, and no more than the narc´s unhappy servant.

Please learn about the disorder so you can see why I say this, and why staying away from narcs is the only option if you want a happy life. Since every narc is broadly the same, one book will do it. I always recommend Prepare to be Tortured (the price you will pay for dating a narcissist) . AB Jamieson, on Amazon as being the only book you need to read. It is a good general guide and will tell you all you need to know, without psychobabble, and it covers narcs as friends and colleagues and relatives, which is useful - there are a lot about. It is also good on the red flags, so you can spot narcs in future and stay well away. It is the book I wish had been available when I was going through my own narc torture. It will help you heal from yours. You WILL achieve real love, and real happiness, if you learn from this to stay away from narcs.

***Narcissists by and large evolve from two extreme camps during formative years. The first is the extremely spoiled child of narcissistic parents where every whim will be attended to and the other at the far end of spectrum. That of the neglected child. Either way both resulting adults share the same inability to survive being alone.

Its all to do with coping. They just cant cope having only their own company to bounce off. For the neglected child you can understand the need for continual company considering the void of love and affection experienced during formative years. Why would anyone want those memories to resurface. So painful they must be avoided at all costs.

The spoiled child had a completely different upbringing. Perpetually praised to the hilt their backsides really were well and truly run after but at what cost. When you grow up having everything taken care of it hardly creates an individual best able to cope with adversity on their own. Both scenarios have created the type of people where living alone is simply not an option. A mixture of both practical and emotional needs that can only be fulfilled from close contact with others. If only the emotional part was so simple but unfortunately extreme upbringings produce extreme characters. Needing someone in your life is one thing but having to then control them quite another.

Suggest read chapter ‘Narcissists and control’ in book entitled:

‘Prepare to be tortured. The price you will pay for dating a narcissist’.

***Possible reasons narcissist pause their hoovers:

• They've found someone else and too busy love bombing them

• Their attempts to hoover and *reverse hoover you has failed due to your strong boundaries and completely being over the narcissist

• Their going back to the drawing board because now they're out of ideas for rightnow

• You've injured them before when they contacted you and their ego don't take another rejection rightnow

• They see you as strong because you know what they are now

• Them hoovering you may expose them to some sort and they're trying to figure out a way around it

• They know if they contact to you, you'll hold them accountable for what they did and they don't want to deal with that, they'll rather stay away for a long time til they feel you’ve cooled off… and then resurface like NOTHINGS HAPPENED.

*Reserve hoover is when the narcissist smear your name with bogus lies to mutual and family friends “they know will tell you” they use this technique to get you contact them, to see what is their problem and why are they doing this hoping to reason with them…

This is a game to them, “Since you won't accept contact from me, so I'll make you contact me instead!” It's a win win situation for them, they make you look crazy and them look like the victim and get possible communication/fuel from the REAL VICTIM.  

***The side effects of living with someone like this for none disordered people would be that they would not understand each other as each interprets the world differently. In addition, narcissists lack affective empathy and are incapable of chemical reciprocation; since most human beings communicate chemically, that may become a problem for anyone looking to establish long-term communication with a healthy partner. Although someone like this can never reciprocate emotionally or chemically empathize, they can appreciate what you do for them and care in their way. Another factor is that NPD is a mental disorder. Thus, we have to consider that anyone who enters into a relationship with a mentally disordered person and forms a bond with them for an extended period has mental issues of their own. So they develop co-dependency based on their own unresolved mental health problems and become emotionally dependent.

***You will see a lot of inconsistencies. If you are dealing with a narcissistic pathological liar, they do not care about the truth, they only care about what is getting them ahead in the moment.

This is someone who is examining a situation or person that they are currently involved with and thinking what can I say to make this work to my benefit. The angle that they take is designed to make themselves look a certain way, which will in turn make other people think or feel something that benefits the narcissistic person.

That is why they can be a “social chameleon” in a sense. They may be someone completely different depending on who they are around as they echo their environment to get the best results. This way they make the people around them feel very comfortable as they believe that they are around someone who is “similar” to them, while that it not true at all. The narcissistic person is able to keep certain traits hidden while sizing up those around them.

***Narcissists use silent treatments in these scenario's:

• They don't want to answer a question you're not willing to drop. They'll give you soace to understand, either you drop the question or they'll leave you.

• They got caught doing something and they don't wanna explain. Instead, they'll dissapear until you miss them enough to not make an issue out of it.

• You're not willing to believe them because they're lying. They'll leave, until you accept their lie as the truth.

• You're not complying. Example: you don't want to delete your social media. Or you don't want to give them what they asked for. They'll stay away until you do what they told you to do.

• They're cheating. They'll pick a fight, leave, block you and blame you for upsetting them and chasing them off. While really, they're f*cking someone else and don't want you calling their phone.

It doesn't matter what type of person you are, narcissists use silent treatments on everyone. It's one of the best weapons they have in their arsenal.

And they'll use it on everyone they're trying to pressure, coerce or cheat on.

***Narcissist are after narcissistic supply this helps them regulate their self esteem. They need it all day everyday. If they view you as a person who will supply them they may hit you up at times. What is best for you is if he never contacts you again. Once you are away from him your mind starts to clear and you begin to think straight. Time away from their disordered thinking is what you need because they played with your heart and your mind. Once your mind is right you will not want such a toxic person back. You will wonder why you were with them in the first place. And this is where you start healing. You find out what attracted you to him in the first place. You will go through longing for the narcissist to contact you. You must fight these feelings. It is like they put a spell on you. This is a trauma bond. It is not love it’s a bond brought on by trauma.

***A narcissist:

• Changes from one day to the next. From your loving admirer to your hating nemesis.

• Refuses to take accountability for anything that they do.

• Blames you for every single occurence, whether it be their doing, or yours. They even find a way to blame you for them cheating on you.

• Will have inconsistencies in every story they ever repeat to you.

• Will always have a childhood abuse story, they tell you in the beginning of the relationship.

• Engages in wordsalading, when you got them cornered about an inconsistency. They will talk and talk, not making any sense, until you're completely zoned out and tired of life itsself.

• Will regurlarly impose silent treatments on you, either simply stop talking, or dissapear and block you. To pressure you into complying or just because they need time off to cheat on you. They will always explain this by blaming you for it.

• Will have secret social media accounts and either tell you that they don't do social media, or that they're not that interested in it.

• Deletes their Google history. If at any time they forget, you'll find porn, dating websites and anything inbetween those two things.

• Will accuse you of things you didn't do, using far fetched reasoning. Which is called projecting, the things they're accusing you of, are things they themselves are guilty of.

The main thing is that you catch them in lies, constantly.

***Why does a narcissist not tell the reason for his discard?

Because the truth is that they were planning to discard you since the first moment you met. Let that sink in.

If they told you the truth—-that they fear intimacy, cannot feel love, have never been loyal, have been lying all the time, have low self-esteem, & are lying manipulators —would you believe them?

The truth is that at the discard it’s game over. Yes, all was a sick game, with you as an expendable player, that is replaced by someone else.

You can accept that you were played & deceived. It’s actually part of the healing process. Then you don’t ask them for answers & go no contact. Because your real answer will never come from them. Don’t seek closure; just seek peace.

• Hey beautiful.

• Can't stop thinking about last night.

• I miss you already (gone 2 mins).

During devaluation:

There will be no messages to get your attention during devaluation. It would defeat the purpose of your devaluation. Which is, to convey the message that you're not worth their attention, time, or affection.

During discard:

• I will block you.

• Idgaf. Stop texting me.

• Congratulations. You got what you want.

During hoovering.

• This will be the last time you hear from me.

• Answer your phone, is this what you want?

• Oh so you moved on already?

Profound detachment allows the narcissist to use his /her emotions in a very punitive way. Fundamentally cold and extremely indifferent to the feelings and concerns of others, the narcissist is knee deep in his /her arsenal of mental dirty tricks. With one primary aim in sight, the target becomes the prey of a boundless barrage of frightening, mind numbing mental gymnastics. Always in the moment and spontaneous in design, the opportunist wants to deprive you of your most precious assets. Aiming at demeaning and undermining your confidence in yourself, narcissistic wounds are meant to achieve your total capitulation. Some call the narcissist a con. Others call the narcissist a trickster. Often the narcissist is simply an actor without a moral fiber in his soul. Being attracted as a function of his envy, the narcissist will move from charming lover to spiteful opponent. You must lose for the narcissist to be fed a dose of his vengeance. This artificially created psychodrama is bathed in a pose of perfect indifference. The unsuspecting target, subdued easily by such shallow charmers, becomes the unwitting enabler in this house of horrors. The narcissist is searching for a resolution to his/her dilemma. His /her motivation to strike is, at heart, an attempt at liberation from the torment of an eternally unresolved conflict between superiority and inferiority. Confusion and excitement are two different sides of the same coin. Once you are possessed by the narcissist, you will lose your capacity for common sense, your sense of proportionality, and your moral judgement. Don’t bite the bait!

***Narcissists look for people who believe they need someone else to complete them.

They look for the lost, the rudderless, the frightened.

Narcissists are powerless against the strong, much as the wolf is no match for the tiger, or the lion.

When the Narcissist first spied you, they found someone who was waiting. Someone with dreams, hopes, visions, someone who believed if only the right person came along, all this could be possible. The Narcissist then masqueraded as the man or woman who would join you in your fantasy world.

Although mauled badly, you managed to escape. It's slowly dawning on you that you are the person who you need, you are the one who will live out your heart's desire. Once you are well underway, you will draw someone to you who respects and loves your life, and wishes to join you. You're growing fangs, talons, a thick hide - soon narcissists will be wary of you, they will look for someone weaker.

***The narcissist doesn't give a f*ck about what you think you know.

Because guess what? The narcissist knows sh*t about you too. They know that:

• You're a prostitute.

• You're a drug addict.

• You're abusive.

• You f*cked the whole town.

• You suck d*ck for half G's.

No no, anything you're planning on slandering the narcissist with,

They already did some pre-emptive damage control for.

The narcissist's been smearing you for a while now.

Talm bout you crazy af. Noone's gonna believe you.

***Narcs are envy machines. They crave to possess what they perceive you have.

In sharp contrast to their gleaming facade, Narcissists have very shaky self-esteem and very poor self-image. Much of that is due to the lack of attention they received from caregivers in their childhood and a boatload of shame they carry everywhere they go.

Shame is a truly disabling emotion.

While many Narcissists will not be very selective when it comes to supply—-fuel is fuel, after all!—they often gravitate to add someone to their harem that is a few steps ahead in “pay grade.” That means someone who is very physically attractive, is well-educated, has an established position in industry and society, has wealth, has great friends & family—in short, the supply is high-grade because the Narc covets what they have.

They will often tell you how you make them look good. They truly mean it. That’s your job!

By seducing this supply, the Narc feels that they possess the same qualities and attributes that their target has. At least momentarily.

I think it gives Narcs a special supply boost to snag the admiration and attention of such a “trophy.” During the lovebombing, special attention is paid to the high-grade supply: beauty, money, friends, empathy, being a great parent, & other “assets”—all will receive the Narc’s lavish praise—at first.

Once bagged, the Narcissist will take special pleasure in devaluing such a high-value possession. How boredom-relieving and self-aggrandizing to tear down someone who seemed so high above them in status!

This particular move to devalue a high-grade supply is learned in childhood. The Narcissist sees parents do this to others and, subsequently, will take particular sadistic pleasure in this. Narcissists grow up in families where everyone is fair game to disrespect, smear, and discard.

Once the Narcissist knows that they have fooled such a prized supply, they quickly begin to devalue. After all, only a truly worthless person would admire them, and thus, what was once considered sirloin is now just ground chuck.

See how maddening and crazy this is?

This is why so many who are discarded find it hard to understand what happened. After all, you offered a great deal to the relationship! It’s perplexing that what was once “treasured” is now tossed into the junk yard. Or triangulate you with their new supply! And, yes, they will try to make you jealous as well.

The truth is that, with a pwNPD, they never valued YOU. Just what they needed, wanted, and, yes, envied. Once they have it, you’re useless.

Later, Narcs will stealthily check on such supplies to see whether they’ve gained in status, money, etc. They may hoover at such a time when an ex’s Star is on the rise.

Sadly, it’s an insane con game that you just can’t win. And dont want to play.

***Narcissists do not punish. They try to destroy. That is their goal. They are on a mission to destroy every human being that crosses their path.

Especially their own children. Read what children of narcissists write about their parents and you may start to understand the true nature of narcissists.

Each victim is a property the narcissist feels entitled to use and abuse. Until the victim wakes up from the whole fog surrounding narcissism.

A complex sick game of deceit and manipulation.

***Everything for the narcissist is transitional.

Narcissists see everyone and everything, with an expiration date.

The narcissist wants others to think they mean business when it comes to relationships, jobs, friendships… and the narcissist puts in maximum effort to come across as if there is an intention for long-term commitment, reliability, honesty.

However, the fact of the matter is, the narcissist always plans to jump ship sooner than their partner, friend, employer (as applicable) expect.

Being secretive and private, allows the narcissist to remain 3 steps ahead of others, and catch them out by surprise when the narcissist does decide its time to make their move.

Being secretive and private, allows the narcissist to plan the next “big adventure”, without anyone suspecting a thing. It allows the narcissist to line up all the cooperative component, for what comes next.

The narcissist always plans to rupture the relationship, in such a manner as to knock the other party off their feet.

Catch them out unexpected. Causing massive confusion, along with distress and sorrow.

When the narcissist leaves, they want to ensure they live a big gaping hole.

A hole that takes time to heal.

Now this, makes the narcissist feel powerful.

Powerful, validated and in control.

***What kind of person would a narcissist be afraid of losing?

I’d say these are 4 main things a narcissist usually wants from someone. Keep in mind that some of these are more conscious (like the first and last), while others are more subconscious. Likely a mixture for each.

1. Someone who perfectly fulfills their agenda, wants, needs and desired feelings.

2. Someone who is easy to control, patient, transparent, empathetic, non-competitive, understanding, a good listener, and someone who doesn’t appear to regularly cause narcissistic injury in the form of abandonment (co-dependent), rejection (someone less likely to break up with them), shame (someone with low self-esteem), etc. They want to be able to successfully accomplish the first thing listed.

3. Someone who reinforces their ‘false self’, grandiose beliefs and fills their empty sense of self-worth. They want someone to reflect back positively on them to both themselves and to others.

4. Someone who is attentive, validating and admiring. They want a steady flow of positive supply to fulfill the objective listed above. In a perfect world, they’d like to be worshipped and treated as royalty.

I’d say in terms of who a narcissist would be afraid to lose, it would be dictated by how irreplaceable the supply is. So I’d say how hard it is for the particular narcissist in question to reach these objectives. For example, if a narcissist wants to become filthy rich by marrying a billionaire, that is an agenda that not many people can fulfill. So if they manage to latch onto a billionaire, that might be someone they would very much want to keep. However, if a narcissist wants to just have someone that caters to their needs, that might be easier to find.

I’d say the best way to look at is that we are objects, toys and/or servants to them. How replaceable we are = how well we do our job and how much supply we offer them. The more important and irreplaceable the thing we offer, the more likely a narcissist won’t want to lose us.

***Narcissists get defensive, when they feel you are seeking out any kind of truth from them.

Narcissists have no consistency in their thoughts, behaviors or actions. Their narrative shifts throughout the day, as needed to stroke their ego and maintain their delusional self perception of greatness.

When you try to pry the truth out of the narcissist, they feel attacked. Because any truth or clarity which you seek, has the potential to poke holes in the ill-supported narrative which they try to maintain.

Narcissists are always looking for evidence that their false narrative is true. Anytime something or someone comes song which contradicts the narrative, they feel threatened.

Narcissists, paranoid and edgy beings as they are, do not like feeling attacked or threatened.

These triggers can cause them to put up all kinds of defenses.

***Narcissists can’t love because they:

1. are developmentally stunted young children;

2. never learned to love themselves;

3. don’t care what others feel;

4. are consumed by their own needs and always see them as paramount;

5. project their lack of empathy onto others;

6. lack self-awareness;

7. don’t understand emotional nuance;

8. view others as inferiors to be humiliated, competitors to be defeated, or superiors to be won over;

9. see life as a war zone; and

10. ultimately despise any club that would have them as a member.

What a a great tragedy to be a narcissist and never know what love feels like…..

***What are the primary characteristics that every narcissist shares?

1. They lie. The person they present to you is a lie.

2. They cross boundaries.

3. They demand special treatment.

4. They have no empathy for you or anyone else.

5. They are full of self pity.

6. They are full of rage.

7. They are very good at manipulating people.

8. They never accept blame. It is always someone else’s fault.

9. If you hurt their ego, (narcissistic injury), they will seek revenge.

10. They gaslight.

11. They will be jealous of what you have and they will try to take anything and everything that you have that they want.

12. They are haughty.

***Would a narcissist know if you realize their game?

Yeah they do.

This is where immaturity will surface and you will know something isn't right with them.

***Are narcissists habitual liars?

Yes, Pathological and Pervasive liars. They lie when they don’t even have to and they at times fully believe their lies. It’s not delusional, so don’t start feeling sorry for them. It is very intentional.

Stay away from them. I can not stress this point enough.

***Why will a narcissist tell you they have someone else?

WELL…

They're not telling you because they wanna save the relationship.

Don't worry bout it, narcissists have someone else 80% of the relationship.

But the fact that they're telling you about it, is because:

• They got tired of dropping hints, leaving clues and just blatantly cheating in your face and you denying the truth that was infront of you.

• You need to go, they wanna move on with this other person, that they’ve been f*cking for the longest time.

• They really, really need for you to understand that they don't want to be with you anymore.

• Girl, they just have someone else that they’ve been f*cking, while in a relationship with you. The narcissist told you that and there's no why to it ok.

It's also because they don't love you, they never have.

They feel that they wanna be f*cking someone else and they don't give a f*ck about how you feel about that.

It's just over.

Don't take it personal. You're one of the lucky ones.

Most don't even get an explanation, they just get ghosted.

Don't be asking why, you know why.

Just pick yourself up and dust yourself off.

And f*ck that narcissist.

***Why does a narcissist ignore his or her ex?

It’s all about power with the narcissist. Reach out and you look pathetic. The more you beg the more they think you are garbage. You see you can’t win. The only way to win is not to play. No the new supply isn’t being treated better. Just in a different stage right now. They will eventually be brutally discarded as well. No don’t try to warn them. You will just look crazy. You are in a stage right now. You are very worried about what they are doing and why they are doing it. I had to go through this stage also to get where I am. Just keep reading. Read everything you can for awhile. You will eventually pass this stage as well. 

It isn’t a pretty picture when the narcissist realizes you have figured him out.

They have invested time and energy pretending to be in a relationship with you. It may be months or years before you put the whole picture together. Catching him in lies and repeated cheating. Making you feel bad about yourself and like you aren’t enough. So much blame and deception your head spins.

Whether through counseling, clinical diagnosis, or ticking all the boxes it finally sinks in what he is 🤯.

Now the fun begins. He no longer has to pretend and you no longer respond the same. You may receive the silent treatment and nasty calls/texts/emails. He will let you know how happy he is without you and flaunt his relationships in your face. He knows what your weaknesses are and will be sure to target them. If you are trauma bonded you experience conflicting feelings of love/anger/grief/hate. You could have a need to reach out to help him since you are a caring person. Most likely he will resent your diagnosis and will want nothing to do with changing. He will continue to try to hurt you especially if you show it or he hears about your pain through others. This is why you have to cut off all contact. Stop allowing yourself to be tortured. Move on to healing and a better life without him.

***Narcissists do not end a relationship:

• Respectfully.

• Humanely.

• By notifying you first.

• Face to face, explaining their reasons why.

• When they have noone to replace you with.

• Without blaming you first for everything they did, the whole relationship going south, all their behavior, the dinosaur extinction and global warming.

Narcissist end a relationship:

• Without any explanation or closure.

• Preferably by ghosting you.

• Preferably when least expected.

• While they're already f*cking your replacement.

• All of a sudden.

• And then tell you to leave them tf alone because you're a stalker, if you dare call them to ask why they've not come home.

***To understand narcissism, one must understand the God Complex.

It's not particularly hard to understand, and it certainly isn't new. History is littered with tyrants and pharaohs who got high on their own supply, and believed themselves to be God. In the days of the pharaohs the royal family of Egypt would bathe each morning in the river so that they could surreptitiously defecate, and keep the myth of their divinity alive (hence the discovery of Moses in the cradle of reeds).

The narcissist, “your" narcissist, believes they are God. This level of delusion is very hard to comprehend for the average person.

What is the narcissist thinking when they are cheating on you? The same thing they are always thinking —

That they're much, much, much smarter than you

***A narcissist will stay in a relationship, as long as:

• They're accomodated.

• They get to go on their dating apps and out to cheat, without any consequences.

• They get the benefits they're looking for (money, housing, prestige)

• They're not asked about their behavior, or to take accountability for it.

• You don't expect them to do sh*t.

A narcissist will leave the relationship, when:

• You start boring them.

• You stop taking care of them.

• You start wanting to know their motivations and intentions.

• You start demanding them to deliver on their promises.

• They secured someone else to replace you with, that provides them with the benefits they want and is much easier to handle because of their ignorance, innocence and naivety.

***Narcissists are dirty cowards.

They run their escape route right before we catch onto them. Why? Because their greatest fear is being exposed for what they truly are.  Think back. Think about when they started to devalue you. Yes! You were starting to ask questions!

Your gut was telegraphing you messages: Danger, danger!

There is no closure with these cowards. And they’re never truly done, either.

Months, years later you may receive an innocent looking text from them. As if nothing ever happened.

The closure is for you to make. No Contact. Forever.

***What do narcissists dislike?

Try these 10 for starters. Likely the most salient:

They don’t like confrontation which is a bit ironic considering the extent to which they provoke or wind people up.

They absolutely loathe criticism. It shatters their delusional self image.

They hate being alone. People are their coping mechanism as narcissists need their hands held. Once again at odds with bravado and self assurance on display. Its all an act.

They hate not being noticed, such is their addiction to attention.

They hate not being in control. We all know that one. In fact, this should have been at the top.

They hate being ignored. Implies irrelevance or unimportance.

They hate having to pay for things unless its all for them. Hence reputation as freeloaders.

They hate being put on the spot. A good indication that their lies are about to come back and haunt them.

They hate to see friends and siblings succeed. Jealousy is a core trait.

Last but not least they absolutely cant stand to see ex partners forging ahead without them. Arrrggghhhhh! Drives crazy!

Apart from all that, nicest people you will ever meet!

Suggest read chapter ’50 stages to dating a narcissist’ in book entitled:

‘Prepare to be tortured. The price you will pay for dating a narcissist’.

***A narcissist doesn't want you to know many things:

1. They don't want you to know their weak real self. The loathing they have for themselves, their childhood trauma, their feelings of insecurity, inferiority and incompetency.

2. That they're unable to love, trust or feel empathy.

3. That they're future f*cking you.

4. That they're constantly on the look out for someone better than you.

5. That they're scared of being alone or abandoned. They're scared you will leave.

6. That they're only copying you and don't have the same beliefs, convictions or morals.

7. That they're manipulating and abusing you.

8. That they're going to discard you, they save the best for last, and a discard is not satisfying when you're not totally blindsided. The last backstab is their grand finale to leave you in awe of their marvellous non-caring skills.

***Narcissists gaslight people, without even consciously thinking about it.

Narcissist's are unable to see things from an objective perspective, and they are also unable to see things from your perspective.

As far as the narcissist is concerned, their is only one perspective that matters - theirs - and they are oblivious and ignorant of any other perspective.

And they like it this way.

On top of all that, narcissists are unable to co-exist well with people who see things from a different perspective.

Hence, narcissists are always framing and re-framing things, to get you to buy into their perspective.

They try to re-invent your reality, to fit with theirs.

***Narcissistic personality disorder involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. There isn’t one red flag, there has to be a pattern of red flags. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding.

Ask them a question about their ex partner. Such as: What did you like best about your ex? If the answer is “she laid my clothes out every day and she cooked great meals.” Anything that has to do with them and nothing to do with Love or a relationship this is a huge sign.

Generally if a person talks down about others, constantly asks you questions and if you ask them anything personal they tell you nothing, gossips, is all or nothing kind of thinking (one side is evil, other is all good), is charismatic, etc…

The most important thing to keep in mind is this: if the person feels off, they’re off, if you think there’s something wrong with this person there is something wrong, if your gut thinks they’re a narcissist they are. If you already know the answer, that’s your answer!! Use your inner voice (gut feelings) as your guide instead of your intellect, its never wrong.

Nine Signs and Symptoms of Narcissism

• Grandiosity. Exaggerated sense of self-importance. ...

• Excessive need for admiration. ...

• Superficial and exploitative relationships. ...

• Lack of empathy. ...

• Identity disturbance. ...

• Difficulty with attachment and dependency. ...

• Chronic feelings of emptiness and boredom. ...

• Vulnerability to life transitions.

***Narcissists will find out about the things which are important to you, and will push you away from those things.

Whether they be friends, family, hobbies, or other interests…

They will find a tactful way to draw you apart from the things and people which (who) you enjoy, and which (who) you identify with.

Narcissists will find out about all your qualities and positive traits, and will cause you to feel ashamed of the same, thereby transforming these qualities into weaknesses.

The narcissist cannot have you feeling good about yourself, it is simply too painful for them. They will chip away at all your ‘selfs’ (esteem, worth, love, respect) until your qualities are crippled.

In summary, narcissists want to isolate you and chip away at any good qualities you have, causing you to feel dependent on them and only them.

***Will a narcissist ever admit to using you?

Will a narcissist ever admit to using you?

Thats a great question. The answer is yes. But not for the reasons that you think.

A narcissist will admit to using you for only one reason. To hurt you further. They dont know any other way of dealing with another human.

*** If you leave the narcissist first it was because you were strong enough to realize your worth. This blows the narcissist psychotic mind to pieces causing a narcissistic injury. They go into rage and anger thinking how? dare you leave when they were not finished destroying you. Good for you. Run as fast as you can and never look back. Go absolutely “NO CONTACT INDEFINITELY”! with the narcissist. Save yourself from the premeditated blast of vindictive behavior that the narcissist wants to pour out onto you if you allow them back into your life again. These people are toxic to society. Walk away and move on to a much better life without this person with psychotic behavior in your life. File restraining order to keep away because you have uncovered their game tactics and they are exploding with anger towards you. Protect yourself and stay safe. Good luck.

*** For one, narcs are sex addicts that get bored very easily. But they also catch feelings for what they believe to be high esteemed, or highly favored supply. So they are constantly chasing, bedding, getting supply, dumping, avoiding, stalking, and then chasing again. They might sleep with you only once but will call you in the future to see how you are but really they are guaging your availability should they need a quick fix ( of supply). The main supply or SO experiences the same thing but on a different level. They get sex for a few weeks, hot, unforgettable sex, then they get the sex rug pulled right out from underneath them. After that they are mystified as to why the narc will not touch them anymore, but the narc is off to a better buffet, a cycle that's repeated over and over again. So the fast food sex is the short term supply, with future prospects, and The Gourmet sex strictly for love bombing and ends rather abruptly. So it is best to not take it personal remember you're just part of a process. By the way don't beat yourself up because you fell for this type of person because though their actions are disrespectful and puzzling at best…they are blessed to be extremely charismatic, wonderfully magnetic and totally intoxicating.

If a narcissist isn’t contacting you, will that mean he is happy with his current partner?

No and don’t believe that the new supply is “doing something right"… magically transforming the narc in to an emotionally healthy/ loving partner. They are performing artists — so don’t be misled by that over the top happy couple you may see on social media… its smoke and mirrors. (as narcissist can never be truly happy as they are never happy with themselves)

Narcs HAVE to move on FAST as they cannot bear facing themselves and have zero ability to self reflect. They also cannot bear having to explain or talk about a break up (unless of course to bemoan how horrible the last partner was and what a victim they are) and failure is unimaginable to them, so the faster they move on, the less they have to deal with reality and their own inner demons and self loathing.

Some narcissists don’t always discard to find new supply either, they'll stay in a relationship because they view divorce/ break ups as loss of control and a negative mark to their false (perfect) self image. They'll stay especially if the partner is co-dependent and emotionally fractured. As long as the narc perceives the “image” of their relationship as good, they'll stay …and longevity in a relationship doesn’t always mean its healthy or successful.

If you were discarded, be thankful, as that means you were not a good source of supply and that's a good thing! You most likely at one point or continually stood up for yourself or called them out on their b.s…

Once we’re healed of our own wounds that attract us to narcs and vice-versa, it wont matter any more, but there is still hurt that time will eventually heal…as even though we now understand being with the narc was toxic, it doesn't mean that our feelings for them weren’t real (even though their “feelings” for us were fake, disingenuous and self serving) …so. there is a grieving process. Trick is to just focus on ourselves and healing, not the narcissist

Has anyone succeeded in getting a narcissist to go to therapy?

Getting them to go is not the issue. Many of them will go. They see it as an opportunity to prove how much smarter they are than everyone else. It’s also a challenge to their ego to be able to fool the therapist. Some even enjoy the supply of having a captive audience that must sit and listen to their tales of victim hood and Superiority. After all they bear the cross of so many other people being blindly jealous of them…

Getting them to stay long enough to do them any good is the challenge. Because once the therapist begins to probe deeper, it gets real. They don’t want to look at reality. That would mean introspection and that’s simply not allowed. They see big, red, flashing lights and simply never go back.

Why does a narcissist discard a person with no closure?

Here are the reasons why:

• They don't care to explain wtf is going on. Because wtf is going on is pure betrayal.

• They're fading one relationship into the other. There's no ending for them, they are still in the same relationship, doin the same shit, it's just the person changed, but the person is of no importance. Only the benefits, and they stay practically the same. They don't feel any ending.

• They're not about to close off anything, when they still want to have the option to return.

• Without closure, you're more likely to hurt and despair over them and take them back whenever they want. You'd do this to sooth your aching heart. Because you've been tormented by the question if they really don't give a f*ck.

• They just don't give a f*ck about you or how you feel. They feel no responsibility towards you. And they feel entitled to do as they please, No matter the consequences for another.

Understand that narcissists are disordered.

They suffer from NPD.

Their NPD makes them repeat the same pattern, over and over again.

They will disregard and disrespect all their partners.

The beginning of the relationship wasn't real.

That person doesn't exist, their disorder made them act out a perfect person for you, so you could love them.

The person that just casted you to the side like a piece of trash, is who they really are.

Because of their disorder they cannot emotionally attach or love anyone. ANYONE. The love was all pretend.

It's nothing personal, it's a disorder.

It's not a reflection on you or your qualities.

They do this to everyone.

That's your closure.

Would a narcissist say they want to see you happy with someone else and that they don't love you anymore?

Yes.

This is a narcissist who wants to get rid of you.

Narcissists don’t feel things like love or guilt. But the smarter they are, the more aware they are of how society thinks, how they would appear in society’s eyes.

This narcissist wants to discard you and move on. That’s actually good for you; you can find someone Normal who can actually love you back. You can build something real.

There are other narcissists who discard you and then run a smear campaign on you. They need to make an excuse to society as to why they don’t want to be with you anymore and it’s YOUR FAULT because you’re (1) an alcoholic (2) a substance abuser (3) a cheater (4) an abuser. They pick one or more of these things and it truly doesn’t matter that it IS COMPLETELY MADE UP. If they repeat it enough some people start believing it.

Random Thoughts

     What’s funny is he has this ability to get a woman to lay down with him by making her feel that she’s special, beautiful, wanted very early in the relationship by playing the respectable gentleman. Pulling the I want to make love not have have sex but I want to lay with you naked and hold you card. Like he makes you honestly feel like it’s okay to lay with him. That there’s nothing wrong with it because he’ll tell you he knows he's found the one.  And you do feel that way and you're like oh man this is what I’ve always wanted. It may not have been like that for every woman but it was like that with me. He literally wants you to fall for him. Then he slowly backs off over time. Because you’re so blinded by all that he’s shown you you don’t notice. You don’t notice that he don’t own shit as well as other things. That’s he not as stable as he seems. I really don’t know his financial situation. He did say how much he made and it was more than me as floor RN. I was okay that’s good but the way he wanted to spend money indicates he has bad habits but I’m not sure. What I do remember (after him reminding me)  is his lease was going to be up and since we were talking about being together forever we talked about him moving in with me. When we’d talk about it and I would go over to his apartment I’d realize that nothing in that apartment is his. It would be an easy move for him. So I wonder, if he likes or wants strong, independent women who have their own shit is what he seeks on purpose because he don’t have shit.  He said he had (rented) a two story house that he and his son lived in but when he moved he got rid of everything by giving it away or selling it. That seemed really odd to me. Not to have anything personal of himself in his apartment. And when he said that he didn’t know who the guy was that he didn’t live their because his lease was up in May, I can only guess that he’s living with her. Which means he must have been living with her when they broke up maybe. Which was in September which is probably when he leased that apartment. Hmmmm I wonder.... 

     How do you look a woman in their eyes and her tell her all that shit knowing you don’t mean any of it. Not one damn word. I swear this fucker has some ulterior motive or a real specific agenda to find a strong independent woman so he don’t have to do shit. After yesterdays email battle, it's all coming to light now.  This is just who he is, it had nothing to do with me at all and I am so happy that I stopped ignoring or putting aside the red flags.  My gut was yelling at me BIIITTTTCCCCHHHHH leave him the fuck alone lol.  For some reason I still had hope and wanted to try.  I don't like giving up without working on it.  I wonder if he thinks that my emotional distress is for him specifically?  Honestly I don't really care for him.  I never fell in love with him but I did have love him.  I started backing off with my feeling before he broke up with me.  I basically settled because of how he treated me.  He wasn't attractive with his hat off, he didn't have an ass, and didn't know how to use his junk (such a shame), he's hairy, just someone I don't or wouldn't go for but it was his personality or how he portrayed himself to me.  I was a little embarrassed to be seen with him to be honest.  I do gravitate towards someone by how they treat me, their personality and not so much their looks.  I do remember looking at him before he got into the shower most nights and was like...I don't like this, this this...lol   I know I'm no Janet Jackson or Halle Berry, but I gave him  every opportunity to leave if he didn't like my looks or weight.  But anyways, he's very charismatic and likeable when you first meet but you see and hear subtle things that make you look at him sideways as you spend more time with him. 

Oh yeah I forgot...he and I were texting about my friend and I threw in a dig at his infidelities' and he immediately says it wasn't proven in court  and then says her being home on bedrest wasn't proven either.  And I was like so, you did it.  I then told him that he doesn't have to lie or embellish about what happened because bottom line he did it and he didn't say anything else.  I guess when he is called out his silence is admittance.  At another point I said something about telling Tamiko to tell my friend that they broke up and he was no I can't do that.  I was like ummm why?  If it might help to get her to stop just tell her you two broke up and he was like I don't want to give her the satisfaction, that Tamiko can change her number and then proceeded to say how it didn't bother him or hurt him that he didn't care.  He also encouraged my friend to keep sending her messages (did I say this already?).  I had to remind him that it wasn't about just him.  That Tamiko was in the middle of this, why maker her suffer.  He agreed with me but I don't think he ever said anything to her.  I found that very odd though.  Why wouldn't he tell her to say that?  I have to admit that I'm not so sure about them being in a relationship.  I read what she wrote in our conversation, I can't see her still with him, but he says they are and that they are doing well but I just don't know and it doesn't really matter but he would adamantly lie about them being together because he wouldn't want to give me the satisfaction of me knowing.  That's the only reason why I have doubts.  If I'm wrong then I'm wrong but I don't know and I can't ask her.  She's blocked me on Facebook but I did text her to say that I was sorry and told her that I would never message her again.  I do feel bad for her more than him.  He didn't care but I'm sure she did.  

I Also told him I talked to another ex and he busts out with did she tell you that we had sex the day we were divorced to celebrate...I just shook my head.  He really tries to spin things so he doesn't look bad.  I bet he was lying his ass off when Tamiko got that message and probably told her the same shit he told me that there was no proof of it lol that they were already drifting apart.